The Worry of a Police Spouse

Oct. 23, 2018
In 2014, Tiffany Van Dyke’s husband had an on-duty shooting. In 2015, he was suspended and charged with murder. In 2018, he was convicted. Through it all, she has been by his side supporting him and their two daughters.

As the wife of a police officer, there are so many things to worry about. Everything from the small, “Will he be home for family dinner or will he be held over and I’ll have to host alone?” to the big, “Will he come home at all?” There’s definitely no end to the things an LEO’s significant other can stress over. It’s a unique world with unique worries. Recently, a new worry has made its way to the forefront of my mind. What if he gets charged with murder?

Tiffany Van Dyke

Notice I didn’t title this section Jason Van Dyke. That’s because this column isn’t really about him. Although he is the LEO and it was his actions in 2014 that are the catalyst to this discussion, it’s not him that I’ve been watching. It’s his wife, Tiffany. She is who I relate to. She is my counterpart. She is the one that sat with her husband of 14 years after his on-duty shooting of 17 year old Laquan McDonald. She is the one who asked him, “Did you do what you were trained to do?” When he responded in the affirmative, she accepted his answer. She is the one who continued to support him after he was criminally charged and suspended without pay in 2015. She was the one who had to continue co-parenting their two daughters, ages 12 and 16 while worrying about the impact. She had to comfort them when their oldest daughter had “16 shots” written onto her desk in art class and their youngest had a classmate call her father “a murderer” to her face. After going through all the physical and mental testing, as well as all the oral boards, she was the one who had her sheriff’s deputy job offer rescinded for “her safety.”

In 2015, she told Windy City Live, “He didn’t commit murder. He did his job. He did what the police department trained him to do.” Her interviews show she struggles with grief, as well as the anger her husband is the sacrificial lamb of city politics. She faced questions before hand about whether or not her husband could get a fair trial in Chicago because everyone had seen the dash cam video and couldn’t help but form their own preliminary opinions about his guilt. She had to process the language used by others about her husband’s decision. Phrases, such as, “Pop. Pop. Pop. He shot him in the back,” “That’s when he opened up,” and “Pumping 16 bullets into McDonald’s body” She couldn’t help but hear the discussions about the 1st degree murder charge he was facing which indicated he set out that day for work with the intent to kill and how this was different than the idea he should be charged with abuse because 13 of the shots were fired while McDonald was on the ground.

Tiffany faced all the typical interview questions and comments that discounted her grief because she still had her husband and her children still had their father unlike the McDonald family. Even facing 45 years in prison, her husband was still present in the world. This comparison was still given to her after she explained her fear her husband would be killed in prison. Her grief was publicly discounted.

Found Guilty

Recently, Chicago Police Officer Jason Van Dyke was found guilty of 2nd degree murder and 16 counts of aggravated battery with a firearm. He was found not guilty of official misconduct. Although the murder conviction allows for probation the aggravated battery charges do not. He is going to prison. The length of time will be determined on October 31st at his sentencing. Tiffany is losing her husband. Their children are losing their father.

A New Seed of Worry

There are so many questions about the Van Dyke conviction and just as many opinions of whether his actions and/or the verdict were justified. As I wrote in a previous column, our LEOs have taken an oath and agreed to be the contracted killers of society. They are expected to make split second tactical decisions that people will Monday morning quarterback. Police department brass and politicians might give and take away their support of the decision based on the winds of public opinion. I do not in any way support rogue behavior and those who get into the occupation of law enforcement with bad intentions, disdainful biases and hunger for power over others. They should be weeded out and removed. They have no place in the ranks of honorable men and women. Everyone deserves justice. What the Van Dyke trial and hearing Tiffany Van Dyke’s story through her own words has done is plant a new seed of worry in my heart. What if my husband is doing what he was trained to do and after the smoke has cleared he stands alone? What if the support his department, city officials and community members have assured him of just isn’t there? What if he is labeled a murderer? What if I have to stand beside him as he fights for his freedom? What if I have to face a life without him because of a criminal conviction? All of these worries have now joined the others I live with as an LEOW. I’m now faced with another way that I can lose him because of the badge he has pinned to his chest and the oath he has taken. It is unsettling but like the other fears it will have to live in the pit of my stomach while daily life goes on. My hope is that every officer has divine guidance as they make the split second decisions they are required to make. I hope that they make unbiased choices steeped in compassion. But most of all, I hope I never sit where Tiffany Van Dyke is sitting today.

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