Should You Go For Counseling?

Editor's Note: Mike and Althea offer good advice on when we should seek out assistance for the various things that can result from our job-related stress.  One of the hints they offer is if someone else thinks you need to seek counseling then maybe you should go do that.  One word of caution from a veteran law enforcement professional: Balance.  Be aware of what you're doing and what the implications are.  Absolutely seek professional help if you feel it is required.  Don't do so just because someone else says you should.  The long term implications to your career can be devastating and not observable for months if not years down the road.

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Much of our writing lately has focused on the current sociopolitical climate that has law enforcement and police officers feeling under a microscope.  Hardly a week goes by, it seems, that another high profile incident involving police use-of-force, alleged corruption, or questions about the reasonableness and propriety of an officer’s actions somewhere in America arises.  In certain quarters and in some communities, there is great skepticism of law enforcement’s ability to serve or protect effectively and within legal and constitutional bounds.  Whether these concerns are well-founded or based on false or overblown perceptions of incompetence, indifference, or a willingness to violate rights and policy is largely irrelevant to many officers overwhelmed by shrill critics.

Policing has always been hard on its practitioners; the legendary stresses placed on cops’ personal and professional lives, hypervigilance bred by the need to be aware of a constant threat of assault, and the all-too-common reminders of life’s fragility when one wears a badge are just a few of the threats to emotional wellbeing.  The present and high-profile climate of contempt aimed at cops seems to be leading to ever greater levels of anger, distrust, and cynicism.  The physical dangers of standing on the Thin Blue Line, though substantial and often deadly, are just one aspect of the risk officers face.  The psychological dangers and damage will touch far more officers, sometimes with equally deadly results. 

It has occurred to us, in light of these present stresses (as well as the more standard and ever present “regular” ones, which they may well compound) and how they can wear on one’s soul and psyche, that police officers and their family may want to consider the possibility of seeking an outlet through counseling.  Though more and more cops have come to embrace and see the value of therapy, for many it is still a daunting thought.  We’ve long encouraged first responders to consider therapy when the pressures of the job and life build, but also recognize the importance of “first things first.” 

One such consideration is the simple question: “How do I know I should go to therapy?”  So, if you might be open to the idea of therapy for yourself or someone you care about we offer the following checklist to know if seeking professional counseling is right for you:

If you think you should go ...

Picking up the phone to schedule an appointment with a counselor is rarely an impulsive decision. Usually it’s something that has been considered for quite some time.   Police officers frequently make the suggestion to others that getting help might be appropriate and timely – in their dealings with domestic abuse victims, to parents of a challenging kid, or when counseling someone whose depression or anxiety is getting too deep to handle alone.  Many times those same officers come to realize their problems and anxieties would benefit from the same intervention. 
You are the world’s foremost expert on the topic of you so, if you think you should go – if you suspect you could use some guidance, know you need support, or simply want to see what therapy is about – you should listen to the expert.

If others suggest it ...

Sometimes, though, we forget that others also carry a fair amount of expertise about us: our families, spouses/partners, close friends, and trusted coworkers.  They are sometimes in the best position to observe subtle changes in our behavior, attitude, and coping we might miss for being “too close.”  It is possible the people closest to us may be the ones to first say, “You know, I’ve noticed some things and I’m worried…,” or will step up to confirm our own nagging suspicions that something is not quite right.  If they care enough to say something, we should care enough to listen.  

One of the most humorous ways I heard this illustrated was when a client in an substance abuse small group I helped lead as a graduate intern explained his decision to get help, saying, “You know, when it got to be all the other drunks down at the bar where I hung out telling me I had a problem and riding my ass about my drinking, I thought, ‘Hey, maybe they’re on to something!’”

If anyone brings up such a concern up with you respect the risk they took and seriously consider their worry and advice; to broach such an emotionally fraught topic is uncertain and uncomfortable, and something most people will only do if they really see an issue.
Also consider they may speak from experience.  Someone with similar experiences gains insight into others going through the same type of difficulties.  Respect their willingness to share.

When it’s time to "Open the Box"

We like to refer to that place cops keep the disturbing, depressing, frustrating, and horrible things they see – and sometimes have to do – as “The Box.” It’s where you hide those things from your family, your friends, the outside world, and even yourself.  But try as you might to hide them, they are always there. 
The problem is that you can never really hide those things from yourself and, unless you have an outlet for the pain and anger and frustration, they’ll eat away at you.  If not confronted and owned, they lead to devastating problems.  
When “The Box” gets too full it spills over into other aspects of your life, poisoning them. 
It is important to be able to sometimes open “The Box” and share it with someone else and a counselor can be an excellent and non-judgmental outlet to share its contents. Believe us; all therapists have such “Boxes” of their own, and are experts at managing them.      

When your personal “buttons” are being pushed

Each of us has personal “buttons” others can push, intentionally or not, to trigger feelings of anger enough to overcome professional objectivity. When our buttons are pushed we are likely to act out in ways threatening to us professionally (to overreact, behave unprofessionally, personalize their words or actions, or otherwise allow our behavior to be negatively directed by someone else) or personally (to let the experience influence our self-esteem, take the anger home and act it out, or even influence our worldview in an exaggerated way).  

To a therapist, the instances where the officer’s buttons are pushed, leading to an adverse emotional or behavioral reaction, is a form of what is commonly known as “transference and counter-transference.”   In short, what is happening is this:  the presence or actions of the officer trigger an emotional/psychological reaction in the citizen (transference) causing a response of acting out in word or action; the officer’s presence or actions symbolizes something to the citizen.  When that response is maladaptive or provocative it then triggers a response in the officer that can be equally maladaptive or provocative (countertransference) because of what it symbolizes to the officer.   This also happens in response to triggers we face from family, supervisors, colleagues, and others with whom we routinely encounter.
That is, of course, is an extremely oversimplified description of a complex emotional interaction.  Books have been written on the phenomena so a single, simple paragraph cannot do it justice.  Understand, though, that transference and counter- transference are often rooted just below the surface of our own objective understanding of them. Their effects are very real and, unmanaged, very damaging.

Other symptoms

Do you know or suspect you are experiencing a depressive disorder, anxiety, or some other issue? Have you lost interest in the things you used to love doing, feel distracted or inexplicably fatigued, or find yourself isolating? Are you quick to anger, or is there a low-grade anger always just simmering beneath the surface, either ready to erupt or eating away at your insides? Have you lost faith in who you are and what you do?  
Answering yes to any of these questions, or if you know your personal functioning has diminished and getting back to normal eludes you, indicates you should at least consider seeking professional help.  A lot of people do it, including a lot of police officers as the stigma within the profession has lessened over time, with great results.

Policing is a tough profession, and hard on those who sign on to do it.  The physical threats you face are clear and highly visible; the psychological dangers are more hidden but every bit as real, and insidious.  Knowing how to protect yourself – including knowing when it is time to get help – is as critical to your well-being as any other officer safety skill.

Have Fun and Be safe… in every way.