My partner fascinates me. I would hope this statement would be a given in any relationship, but for me, being a social scientist who focuses on first responder mental wellness this is particularly true. I not only find him fascinating personally, being the love of my life and all, but I also find him fascinating professionally. In the last decade, I’ve been studying the change in society’s response to those who work in law enforcement. Like many things, it is more acceptable than ever to say whatever you want and expect that your opinion is valid and should be valued. Add in social media and we are bombarded with everyone’s opinions all the time. As hatred towards law enforcement seems to become more prevalent because it is now open and acceptably violent, it has turned my professional work towards understanding the line that officers walk each day. Holding this understanding up against my intimate knowledge of the person my husband is has made it that much richer. I find myself spending obsessive amounts of time thinking about it.
Society’s Contract Killers
When I hear people who are not in law enforcement talk about what officers should and shouldn’t be doing, often I come away with a profound realization that most people have absolutely no concept of what the work actually entails. I’m not talking about on the surface. All the cop shows bring the Hollywood version of patrol and detective work into our living rooms whenever we would like. Some of that is accurate, some not. But, again, that’s the surface work. Protect and serve. Enforce society’s rules, aka laws, hold people accountable, and take those breaking the rules to jail to face the consequence that society has deemed appropriate. Officers, as officers do not decide what the rules or consequences should be. They are merely upholding and enforcing the contract that society has given them. We could go into the gray areas, the professional courtesies and the judgements officers can make but that would be a whole other topic and is hard to look at outside of the actual event. That is Monday Morning Quarterbacking at its best. Besides, I’m talking about the heavy stuff. The task that society has asked law enforcement to perform and that each officer has agreed to do—kill for us.
It’s no secret that law enforcement can be deadly. Enforcing society’s laws sometimes means that a member of society does not want to accept the rule or the consequence and acts out in a threatening fashion. Officers are tasked with managing these behaviors. They are tasked with keeping this threat from harming others. They truly are the thin blue line between chaos and calm, life and death and every single member of society has granted this person the obligation to act within this rule. We’ve all seen the horrendous judgement and shame placed on an officer who did not uphold his or her end of the contract. Because of the very nature of the task, killing is an option. Society has said this is an acceptable use of force and officers have agreed that they will use it when necessary. Essentially, every officer is their society’s contract killers.
My Warrior
My fascination with the concept of my husband being a contract killer has me delving deeper and deeper into what this responsibility does to a person. How is it trained? How does it affect someone’s perception of the world? How does a person’s personality interact with it? Where does resilience play a role? What happens when an officer has to kill? How can those of us who love an officer understand the responsibilities of the contract he or she has signed and support our officer within this concept?
I’m sure I’ll spend a lifetime trying to find all of the answers that I would like and in the interim I study my LEO partner. I’m sure he loves it.
“Babe, why are you staring at me?”
“I’m just thinking about what it must be like?”
“What?”
“Killing someone in the name of society?”
Eye roll. Sigh. Looking back at his book. He probably wishes I would study plant science instead. Then I would go stare at and contemplate the fern. Of course, nothing will make me stop wanting to understand him better especially in light of my professional work. He’s a decorated U.S. Marine with 19 years in patrol with a large, metropolitan police department. He has upheld the ultimate agreement in his contract with society. He is also the most kind, compassionate and resilient person I have ever met. I spend many hours trying to reconcile these factors. Maybe I overthink things. Maybe other LEO wives aren’t sitting around thinking about it. But, maybe they are and they are wondering if anyone else is.
Professionally, I will continue to study first responder mental wellness and my partner is the one that keeps my professional work grounded and reminds me not to accept blanket theories. Everyone is different. Everyone who works in public safety is different. This is why it is so troubling and disturbing that groups of people accept that everyone who wears a law enforcement uniform is the same way, particularly if they believe that each person wearing a badge is evil, hate-filled and murderous at heart. Does the work affect them? Absolutely. Can a person get worn down over time, and exhibit behaviors of cynicism? Definitely. Can these normal human reactions to being tasked with the ugly, dirty and often deadly work of societal contract protector and killer be mitigated? YES! But they can’t be if we refuse to look at them realistically. We can’t gloss over the fact our officers are granted the obligation to kill for us. Those of us who love them need to understand this so that we can support them and love them better.
Michelle Perin
Michelle Perin has been a freelance writer since 2000. In December 2010, she earned her Master’s degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice from Indiana State University.
