Gainesville (Florida) Police Officer Bobby White’s video showing his choice to handle a loud noise complaint involving teens by interacting with them and joining the game instead of coming in, throwing his authority around and sending them scurrying from the street has gone viral. The incident gained even more notoriety when Shaq joined the promised return game. Along the same lines, last month’s column highlighted the retirement of a deputy who left a community of juveniles who respected him.
These two examples show dealing with kids is a unique skill for any adult and even more so when you have the added burden of epitomizing the authority of the adult world. Law officers who interact with children, especially teenagers have to be able to understand a teenager’s developmental world if they want to be the role model most are determined to be. From interactions in patrol to specialized assignments like school resource officer (SRO), officers soon learn handling the needs and behaviors of teenagers can be strange business. Even those who have experienced this phenomenon through parenthood, often feel ill-suited to the task.
In his book, Yes, Your Teenager is Crazy, Michael J. Bradley explains the brain research confirming that teenagers are basically nuts. They appear unstable, dysfunctional and unpredictable. They have temporarily impaired judgment and decision-making capabilities. Parents are encouraged to understand a teenager’s physiology which affects everything including their communication style. Ironically, Bradley encourages parents to be “dispassionate cops” while giving clear guidance, setting appropriate limits and allowing room for proper growth. Officers who work with kids can use the same advice. Here are five ways.
Be Available
The most important part of working with teenagers is just to be there. Even when they are surly, uncommunicative and stand-offish, teenagers need and want adults to be available. They may push against the guidance, but they seek it. Too often, adults read teenagers “just go away” behavior, and often their words when they say exactly this, and do just that. They retreat. After all, who wants to be where you are clearly not wanted with people who clearly do not want you there. But during this developmentally tumultuous time, having a strong, guiding adult available makes all the difference. Stopping in to say hi, reminding them individually that you are there for them and showing in your demeanor that you care will all go a long way not only when they need to reach out, but in giving them a safe space to grow in.
Welcome Friends
Teens are pack animals. As they develop, they turn more and more to their peer group for acceptance and guidance. This doesn’t mean they no longer need adults. In fact the opposite is true. Left to their own devices, teenage communities would quickly resemble Lord of the Flies. Because of the importance of peers during this time in their lives, any adult, including officers, who want to be involved need to be comfortable in the group setting. Individual guidance can still occur and might need to happen with some kids being drawn into negative activities, but the ability to join in the pack can make the difference between an adult who is able to guide and one that is kept at arm’s length
Don’t Take it Personally
This is a hard one for any adult in a caring profession and even though most people wouldn’t group officers in the same context as counselors or social workers, those of us who work in the profession know the tasks we perform actually have more similarities than differences. Because of this, officers, who traditionally face the authority-despising wrath of teenagers need to not internalize behaviors. Firm but friendly is the mantra we use at my facility. We are also encouraged to understand each child’s background and general developmental stages so that we can remember where a child is coming from when their anger and defiance seem directed at us personally. Wearing the badge has even more potential for positively representing this firm but friendly guidance of the adult world.
Allow Independence and Dependence
Teenagers are a dichotomy of needs. They are learning to spread their wings dabbling in the new and scary adult world while at the same time requiring the safe harbor of childhood. Because teens have their feet in both areas, they require adults that allow them to move back and forth as needed. Even when they are on the older spectrum, teens develop at different rates and often, sadly, some are forced to mature and are pushed into the adult world more quickly due to social circumstances. Adults working with them need to recognize this two-world stage and be willing to guide regardless of where their feet are at a particular moment.
Speak Their Language
The hardest part of working with teenagers, in my opinion, is communication. Not only because often teenagers refuse to communicate, but because of the style in which they talk. My first experience in parenting a teenage boy included the feeling that every interaction we had was a direct challenge and a confrontation. It really didn’t matter what we were discussing. It could be ice cream or it could be grades. It always seemed, in my mind, to develop negative energy. I was reactive to the communication style. What I learned was that normal teenage communication often appears confrontational to adults although the teen does not intend it that way. So when an adult reacts negatively and pushes back, the communication turns into a confrontation as the teenager reacts to the adult’s response. Learning to read between the lines and dismiss the tone of teenage communication allows adults to hear what is truly being said. This takes conscious effort but will decrease the amount of negative interactions between adults and teens and improve the relationships.
Connecting with teenagers, like Officer White and Deputy Olsen, requires effort but the result is priceless. It’s easy to make a difference. It just takes a bit of understanding and a whole lot of patience. Whether working with teenagers in the street, in the schools or in a juvenile facility, understanding their developmental stages helps officers be what most of them want to be-a positive role model.
Michelle Perin
Michelle Perin has been a freelance writer since 2000. In December 2010, she earned her Master’s degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice from Indiana State University.
