Do you remember celebrating Valentine's Day growing up? In fourth grade, we had this great class party. We decorated shoe boxes with red, pink and white paper. I remember pasting red hearts on the box with my name on it.
This was such an exciting time! We ate cupcakes, and candy hearts. We put Valentine’s in each other's boxes. Do you remember counting the cards in your box? It wasn't so much about romance at that young age, though my heart would skip finding a card from the curly haired girl across the room. It was more about being popular. We wanted to know people liked us. and this was a great measuring tool. Looking back, I loved reading the Valentines, especially those with a little personal hand-written note inside. I kept many of them for years.
The ancient Greeks had five different words for love. Romantic love was called eros from where we get our word erotic. This kind of love is pure, lofty and noble. It inspired some of the worlds' greatest art, and architecture. Music and poems have been written about it.
Law Enforcement has a reputation for being hard on loving relationships. Statistically, most law enforcement officers will marry and divorce three times before retirement. There is a lot of temptation to cheat on your spouse. The best way to avoid an affair would be to buy the finest running shoes you can find. The Bible says to run from lust - flee the seduction of being unfaithful to your spouse. There's no secret formula - you are NOT strong enough to "resist" this kind of temptation. The only answer is to get away - run fast, and don't look back.
To have the best marriage, follow this acrostic for BEST.
B stands for Blessing:
Blessing means to speak kind words TO and ABOUT your mate. Don't fall into the trap of belittling or speaking badly about your spouse with your friends. Tell your mate what you love about them.
Our words need to match our actions. Rub your spouse's shoulders, or feet; cook a nice meal for them; do something nice for them, with no ulterior motives.
Develop the attitude, "It doesn’t matter what other people may think, I will bless my spouse anyway."
If you don't bless your spouse, who will?
E is for Edify:
Edify means; to strengthen, build up, encourage, confirm, to cheer on.
Strive to be your mate's greatest cheerleader. Build them up. When everyone else is against them, and tells them they can't succeed, stand behind them and say, "yes you can."
You can help your spouse or significant other reach their potential, or cause them to crash and burn. Next time you want to be critical of your spouse, stop and encourage them instead.
S is for Sharing:
Imagine going to a wedding. The bride's father leads her by the arm. The groom patiently waits, grinning from ear to ear. There is food, gifts, and laughter: Pictures are snapped, toasts are made, hugs and kisses all around.
Finally, the bride and groom rush away to start their lives together. But instead of leaving together, they both climb into their own cars, driving off in different directions. Both go to their own homes, their own plans, their own lives.
Isn't there something in the ceremony about two becoming one? Don't people who marry intend to share their lives? Of course that is their intention. We may not drive off in separate cars, but many couples end up feeling isolated.
Just because you are married, and share a home, doesn't mean you share your life. Communicating effectively takes work.
Let me tell you a little secret. Men and women think differently. Men tend to compartmentalize everything like a big waffle. The boxes don't touch or interact. Each box is fully contained. If something doesn't have a box, they create one. If a man is doing something, he is in that box. So, if he's working on the car; he's working on the car. If he's driving; he's driving. If he's watching T.V.; he's watching T.V. Amazingly, men even have a nothing box. They can be sitting staring off into space thinking about absolutely nothing (sometimes this is a man's favorite box). If a man says he needs to think about something, he probably really does, because he's changing boxes. So ladies, next time you ask a man if he remembers something, give him a moment to change boxes.
On the other hand a woman's mind is similar to a ball of yarn. Everything connects. It's easy for them to change subjects, and talk about a variety of topics without missing a beat because everything touches and relates to everything else. Sometimes men have a hard time keeping up, because we are trying to change boxes, while you are relating to many subjects at once.
Finally T is for Touching:
Society often tells us there are three kinds of touching:
- superficial, e.g. a handshake
- Aggressive, contact sports
- Sexual
The fourth kind is Affectionate touching. These can be hugs, kisses, soft caresses, or holding hands. This is not "just for newlyweds".
Affectionate touching speaks volumes without words. It says "I'm with you, and connected to you. I care about you, and I love you."
Don't be fooled. You need to be touched: so does your spouse. A recent study shows one of the best ways to relieve stress is to simply hold the hand of someone you love. Sensitive loving touches like hugs and holding hands mean more than we can imagine.
My challenge to you is to keep the romance alive. Some of the most romantic couples have been married for decades. They have not lost that spark of eros. They work at keeping it alive.
Do something nice to make your spouse or significant other feel loved and appreciated today. Don't forget, this is the holiday that is all about love.
Happy Valentine's Day!
