Our family escaped the desert heat and headed to the mountains to go camping a few weeks ago. We were sitting around the campfire, stuffed from eating s'mores, when my oldest son broke the silence with a startling confession. He looked at me and stated, "Mom, I stole the MAC van." Unable to reconcile the image of the sweet-faced, hazel-eyed, blonde sitting beside me and the theft of the armored Mobile Activity Center (MAC) vehicle the police use at critical scenes, I did the only thing I could think of - I laughed. Thank goodness, my son chose to explain the situation further. He had been playing a video game and stealing the van was part of the strategy. Great, I thought. My child is practicing to become a criminal.
Instead of spending the rest of the camping trip thinking about how I could save enough money to make his bail, I started thinking about how multi-media, including video games and television shows, must affect children's perception of their parents' law enforcement occupation. Many times, my son has asked my husband questions about situations and the questions were strange because he had picked up the terminology from watching shows like COPS and America's Scariest Police Videos. During my time as a dispatcher, we never used terms like those. It seemed to me, he was gaining a distorted view of police work. I knew he couldn't be alone.
We live in a technological society. Video games, television and the internet are common place and often incorporate a significant amount of our time, as well as our children's. Since living in a bubble with no media at all is ridiculous, we have to learn to be proactive about what our children are exposed to. A significant factor in how a child is affected by what they see and hear is their age. "Little kids don't have a grasp of language," Dr. Ellen Kirschman, author of I Love a Cop says, "They don't understand the abstract. Things are very concrete." A small child might see an officer shot on a television show and wonder, "If mom or dad gets hurt, where will I go?"
This imagery can be extremely frightening. "As a child gets older, they have more reasoning abilities," Kirschman further explains. "They are better equipped to deal with things and are able to think critically about what they hear." At this age, children start to worry about their parent, as well as, themselves. "Older children have issues with independence and autonomy and authority," Kirschman says. "Teens, they may be influenced by their peers more." At this stage, conflict often occurs between the child and their police parent. A teen may see an image of an officer fighting with a suspect and comment the officer is being too aggressive. Feeling the child is challenging his or her authority, the officer may overreact.
Many times, a parent may overreact to what their child says or does based on what they've learned from multi-media. Kirschman explains officers often take it personally when their child questions the authority of the police. A long lecture can follow the comment and instead of opening the lines of communication with the child the relationship is further alienated.
The first thing parents need to remember is children generally have good intentions. In a situation where a child might comment on a law enforcement situation they see on T.V. or make a statement based on a video game, the parent needs to use the circumstance as an opening to communication. "It's useful for parents to have really good communication with their kids," Kirschman says. "I often hear about the dilemma officers have about what do we tell our children about the stuff we see in the news." As an example, a police family lives in Los Angeles and a headliner comes on the news about a cop shooting an innocent person in New York. "It's an opportunity, as well as a challenge, to talk to their children about what they think about it and what they would do," Kirschman suggests. "Listen really carefully to what the child is saying and not give them more information than they are asking for or needing."
Kirschman also recommends officers talk to their family about their job, especially in regards to training and safety, on a regular basis. This helps dispel many of the myths of the media and allows children to ask questions and clarify things. "Use discretion in what you talk to your children or spouse about," Kirschman explains. "It's not black and white or all or nothing. Leave out details that are too graphic or upsetting."
Along with communication, parents can do many things to be proactive in protecting their children from the affects of media. First, monitor what your child is seeing and hearing. "Parents have to monitor games and internet contacts their kids are making," Kirschman explains. "Most police families know that. Kids are better off with some restricted access to the media, particularly local news unless parents are there to correct what they might see." Second, parents need to educate their children. "One of the best ways to counterbalance the distorted images and language the child gets from the internet and video games is for the parent to educate their child about the realities of police work," Kirschman says. She recommends officers take their child to the station to see where they work and meet people. Allow the children to talk to other officers and support staff. "Educate them so they know what the reality is so they can correct their friends," she recommends.
Technology is here to stay, but we as parents have the power to control what images come into our homes and what our children are exposed to. Since, children in police families are at risk for developing a distorted view of police work, it is important families keep communication open. "It's not necessary to say everything, but it's necessary to say something," Kirschman says. "We're all affected by contamination of the popular culture so we have to think critically. Don't get mad at your kid who show the behavior or asks a stupid question based on what they saw on television or a video game, just give them an answer."
