Keys for Successful Communication with Youth

Because my crisis intervention team works closely with our local police department, I get to see many interactions between police officers and youth. Usually, a fed up or even down-right scared parent or guardian calls the police because the youth is out of control or they just don’t know what to do anymore. Sometimes these situations occur because the youth has mental health issues which can be exacerbated by teenage hormones. Sometimes it’s a control issue brought on by the normal developmental process of trying to gain autonomy. Many times it’s a situation where you want to tell the parent, “Well if you would have set reasonable expectations and boundaries when he was six, this wouldn’t be happening at sixteen.” Sometimes the kid is just being a jerk. Regardless of the reason, officers arrive on scene to find not a crime, but a family in crisis. In our community, thankfully, there are several teams designed specifically for families with youth in crisis.

In my work in the field, I get to see how officers communicate with youth. I believe most do the best they can with the tools they have. Many of our officers are thrown into role of mentor, social worker and parent without the prerequisite experience or degrees to back that up. I’ve seen many different styles and many different tactics used to try and deescalate a crisis situation. Some were effective; some not so much. Here are some key elements to working with youth that officers can put in their tool box.

Active Listening

When discussing effective communication, active listening is a term used over and over. But what does it mean to be an active listener? Sure there is the technique of repeating back a summary of what you understood the other person to be saying to verify you understand them correctly. But the most important part of active listening is to be present. This can be tough. After all, you’ve got a constant influx of thoughts running through your head. Not to mention every time the dispatcher talks you now have something else to listen to and think about. If you can manage to truly ground yourself in the situation you are in right now, not thinking about all the calls holding or where you’re going to get lunch, the youth you are with will notice. He or she will feel that you are truly there with them in that moment. Learning to silence that inner voice is a skill. Also, active listening means really hearing the words the youth is saying and not immediately formulating your response. When we start thinking about what we’re going to say, we stop hearing what they are actually trying to tell us. Allow the youth to finish, pause to integrate all you heard and then respond.

Know your Triggers

Every one of us has those things that just push our buttons. Those statements, actions or behaviors that just set us off. Youth can be very good at figuring out and saying or doing things that will alienate adults. They can get us to react by matching up with our individual triggers. Once we are impatient, angry, uncomfortable or flustered, we are no longer able to communicate effectively. I know personally, when someone questions my ability based on my gender or even if I just perceive that someone is doing so, I get defensive and am not in a space where I can hear anything at all, let alone actively listen. Recognizing this in myself, I can identify situations where I have to check myself and my internal homeostasis. Because if I’m out of control internally, I can’t effectively manage anything externally. 

Collaborate

“In your words, what do you think happened here today?” “What has helped you when something like this occurred in the past?” “What do you think you need right now?” These are all questions that we ask to help youth reflect on what caused a situation and what can be done in the future to keep one from occurring again. We can offer potential insight and solutions, but unless the youth begins to think through their own feelings and behaviors, we will be back at that house sooner rather than later. Sometimes we are the first people who have ever directed this kind of reflection and control back on the youth. Often they are just told what to think and how to act. Adults, especially unhealthy ones project their viewpoint and experience onto the youth and they’ve never had the opportunity to really sit and think about their ability to develop positive solutions. Allowing them this space can teach them a valuable skill while at the same time creating individual plans to decrease a repeated incident.

Influence

Even though youth rebel against authority, many youth respect public safety. Officers are viewed as the ultimate example of safety and structure which is so important to healthy development and yet so many youth sorely lack. By appropriate cooperation, sharing of experience, reflection of realistic consequences and negotiation crisis workers, including officers can build rapport with youth and potentially be a life-altering influence. Remember youth are not just small adults. Their brains are still developing and their chemistry is like a ride through a kaleidoscope. Taking the time to help guide them through this part of their life can make the difference between a youth that continues to make poor choices and ends up in prison and a youth who was supported to make better choices and becomes a successful adult. Each of us has the power to do this in every interaction that we have.