ST. LOUIS, Mo. -- A barrage of bullets fired at close range ripped through her body. One lodged in her chest, two more entered and exited her torso. Another burrowed into her leg. A fifth grazed her right cheek.
A casual glance at Isabella Lovadina offers no clues to what happened two years ago during a robbery gone haywire. She walks without difficulty and is an athletic 30-year-old woman with jet black hair and lively eyes.
But Lovadina left the job she loved as a St. Louis police officer, haunted by the chaotic violence that left her seriously wounded and another woman dead. Despite her struggles, the events in the 900 block of Hickory Avenue have held a grip on her life.
Unable to meet the police department's mental health standards, she retired from the police department Feb. 6. Lovadina must now reinvent herself, facing a life without police work, a daunting task made more complicated by lingering depression, occasional debilitating fear and periods of deep sorrow.
"Even though I'm 30 years old, I still feel like I have to start all over again," she said. "I'm still picking up the pieces. I'm still trying to learn just how to function in day-to-day life."
Some days it can be hard for her to leave her apartment, let alone figure out what she's going to do next in her career. Her physical rehabilitation -- relearning to walk, working on her fine motor skills in occupational therapy -- is in the rearview mirror, but the path to a better mental and emotional place is pockmarked with bouts of self doubt and survivor's guilt.
Early Morning Robbery
Lovadina's world was upturned Oct. 5, 2009, when she was critically hurt in an early morning robbery and shooting that also claimed the life of Gina Stallis, 34, a nurse and mother of two, and left Nicholas Koenig injured. Lovadina and Koenig were held up at gunpoint by two men on the street outside the house, then forced back inside.
During the course of the next harrowing minutes, the gunmen directed the adults inside to the floor, prepared to start taking items from the home and demanded that Stallis lead them to the basement. But Lovadina, who did not have her service weapon on her, said she believed the gunmen were going to attack, rape or kill Stallis, so she charged at one of the robbers. Gunfire popped. When the burst was over, Stallis had suffered a fatal gunshot wound, Lovadina took five bullets from point-blank range and Koenig was shot three times.
"It was complete chaos," Lovadina said. The robbers left with about $9 in cash, a cellphone and a small amount of jewelry.
Two men have since been convicted of first-degree murder and an assortment of other felonies, including assault, robbery and kidnapping. Mario Coleman, 24, and LeDale Nathan Jr., 18, each have been sentenced to life in prison for the crimes.
Replaying the Events
"I think about that night and I can't even comprehend what happened," Lovadina said. "It just doesn't seem real."
Lovadina was shot three times in the chest, once in the upper thigh and a graze wound to her right cheek. Two of the bullets remain lodged in her body. One is in her left pelvis and the other is in her upper chest.
She has replayed the events of that October over and over in her mind, second-guessing herself and wondering if Stallis would have lived if things had gone differently.
"Still, deep down, I know what I felt that night, and I never would have made that decision if it wasn't the last option," Lovadina said.
She was in the hospital for five days after the shooting and missed Stallis' funeral. She then relearned to walk and had a year of occupational therapy to help her with her fine motor skills, and hand and arm movement.
Once Lovadina recovered physically after therapy, she passed the police department's physical examination. But after a series of meetings with mental health doctors, she did not meet the department's benchmarks. More than two years after she was wounded in the shooting, Lovadina had no choice but to retire from the police force.
"So many people think it's a decision that I made, that I just didn't want to do it. But it's a mental injury or wound. One of the biggest challenges was having so much fear of something else happening to me," Lovadina said.
Training as an EMT
When she went to the bank, Lovadina said she felt uneasy a holdup might happen. Walking by herself in the city near her apartment or going from her car to her house at night, she feared someone would randomly attack her.
"There's no way I could go back on the streets" as a police officer, she said. "There's no way I could help somebody."
Because the department ruled that her injuries happened in the line of duty, Lovadina receives her department pension, providing a financial cushion in a time of many question marks. At the time of the shooting, she was training to get her emergency medical technician's license, and she is considering becoming a nurse. Lovadina also has found work as a personal trainer.
"I don't know what it is, but God's got something else for me to do, or else I wouldn't be here," Lovadina said. "It's made me appreciate life more."
Copyright 2012 - St. Louis Post-Dispatch
McClatchy-Tribune News Service
