I’ll be the first to admit it. I like acronyms. It probably stems from my time in the military followed by my time in public safety. I especially like it when each letter stands for another word to help explain something and make it memorable. I realize this is more of a mnemonic than an acronym and maybe there is actually a different word to describe what I think of as these acronyms, but regardless.
Recently, I’ve been listening to an audiobook for fierce women and how to temper some of the fierceness appropriately within a healthy relationship. Plain fierceness can be ugly, but when focused into a soft warrior it is beautiful. So many beautiful, soft warriors are in relationships with law enforcement officers. After all, most of the time they want an equal, a partner. They want someone they can turn to when they are overwhelmed with the stress, grief and loss of the job. They need someone strong enough to hold them. I could go on and on about how this book is transforming the way I express my fierceness with my husband but that is not the topic today. In the book, the author describes a number of things with acronyms and it got me thinking about what kind of acronym could help LEOWs be better partners to our LEO. The one that popped into my head while I was running (my favorite time of reflection and good ideas) was TRUST.
Thankfulness
Showing thankfulness seems like a no brainer for those of us married to someone who might not come home from work. We’re always praying for their safety. We relate to each other because we understand what it feels like to dread that knock on the door. That fear can go unspoken because we all just have it. When we hear the sound of Velcro, whether it’s at 6pm, 1pm or 6am, we breathe easier. He came home. But what about after that? Do we show him or her that we are grateful that they are with us? Or instead, do we barrage them with a litany of complaints, grievances and resentments? Do we spend time and appreciate the time we have with them? Or do we immediately run off or get lost in our own interests as if they were an afterthought to our lives? Life is busy. I get that. We spend a lot of time juggling things and being inconvenienced because of the work our LEO does, but it’s important to stop and really share time with them. We should be thankful they are with us not just that they came home to us.
Respect
Day in and day out our officers experience disrespect while at work. Even when they are off duty they are surrounded by anti-law enforcement messages on the radio, on television, at the table next to us at the restaurant. Respect is an essential element to any good relationship but one that includes a first responder needs it even more. What does it mean to show respect? It means recognizing that your partner is a whole person, with their own unique needs, and that they are not just a way to get something you want. You can’t just say that you respect your partner, you have to act with respect. One way is being mindful of how you communicate. Be open and honest with your partner which of course means first being open and honest with yourself. Avoid being accusatory and accept that you and your LEO might not always agree. It is in how you handle disagreement that respect is shown.
Understanding
To me, true understanding is the same as empathy. You are trying to open your heart and appreciate someone else’s experience and feelings. Sharing space when my partner has something heavy on his heart has been an important part of our relationship. Even being a first responder myself, I don’t always relate to what his experience is but what I can do is try to see what the experience felt like and meant to him. I can ask if he is looking for comfort or solutions before diving in to try and fix the problem. Just being there and allowing them to tell their story without judgment puts an LEOW in a unique position that others would never be allowed into. It’s an honor and a heavy burden sometimes.
Support
Having a trustworthy back-up is the cornerstone of police work. Without it, each encounter is more unstable and threatening. Jumping into the fray takes knowing there is someone else to be there for you. An LEOW should strive to be that back-up on the Homefront. Sometimes this looks like being a cheerleader while they are attempting to promote, or pulling 90% of the household duties when they are overworked, emotionally drained or just plain tired. Sometimes it’s calling them out when they are not being the partner they wish to be. Support can look like many things but mostly it’s knowing what your partner needs and helping them attain it.
Tenderness
My officer is one who leans in when he is feeling emotional, we are at odds with each other or we aren’t connecting. I’m the opposite. I tend to shut down and isolate. This has caused problems again and again. What I’ve had to learn is that my LEO thrives on touch. That is how I can show that things might be rough right now but I am still in this with you. Physical affection is another essential element in a healthy relationship and unfortunately it can be one of the first to go when life gets busy or we get angry at each other. It’s important to remain connected in this way.
TRUST. It’s what we need in our relationships. It means even more when you are sharing your partner with an intense job with its own culture. We need to be there for each other. We should be there for our LEO and they should be there for us. With TRUST, it seems we can weather just about anything life or the job throws our way. At least it seems like that to me.
