Responding to a Colleague in Crisis

We’ve lately written a lot about the continuing problem of police suicide, encouraging officers to look inward, know themselves and their feelings, and gauge their own risk factors and how they are being experienced.  Ultimately, our hope is for officers to be able to seek help without shame before they reach crisis mode, knowing they are not condemned to forever feeling depressed and hopeless, or to losing a cherished career and identity as a consequence of courageous honesty.  Our hope is that, by planting seeds with even a small number of law enforcement officers in the broader profession as other writers, trainers, and influencers do at the same time, the police culture continues shifting into one that is stigma free toward those suffering from mental illness.

The reality of the problem

How many fellow cops can you think of, whether in your agency or not, who have been lost to suicide? Among colleagues you know personally, for whom do you fear suicide is a real possibility?  Even more broadly, how many do you know or suspect are suffering from severe depression or anxiety, or are no longer the same person they once were, beaten down and exhausted from struggling with inner demons? 

It is consistent that more officers die each year by suicide than in the line of duty. Identifying the exact number of police officer suicides is difficult and the number of suicides fluctuates each year, but you would be hard-pressed to find any cop with more than a few years on the job who hasn’t been touched by a police suicide.  As we’ve written about extensively, and experienced in our own careers working with and among officers, cops are not immune from emotional struggles and mental illness, and the job itself may contribute to them. 

But what if it’s not you but a fellow cop is struggling?

Reaching and reassuring struggling officers is great… if they’ve read what we and others have written, or they’ve been touched by a speaker or trainer, and are able to take it to heart and muscle through their own pain.  Realistically, though, the chance any one officer experiencing crisis has had that direct contact may be slight.  More likely, you the enlightened reader, will be the one to recognize a friend or colleague in pain or starting to spiral toward bigger trouble than they can handle and will find yourself wondering “what should I do?  What should I say/?  How can I approach this thing without offending or making things worse?”  Unfortunately, too many people see someone they care about struggling, fear getting involved, and simply hope for the best and step away when they should be stepping up.

Overcoming stigma and opening the door to safe expression

One of the first steps to overcoming stigma requires meso-level change within individual agencies.  Although regressive thinking within law enforcement is shrinking, for a lot of officers fear is legitimate and rooted in official policy.  Agencies may require officers seeking or receiving mental health treatment, or who take psychotropic drugs, to inform the department and even face duty restrictions while under such care. It is this type of stigma or misunderstanding that perpetuates false information and traps cops in a prison of depression or anxiety.  Pushback against such regressive policies should be a platform of any police union or officers’ association, and the duty of more enlightened supervisors and administrators.

And some of the stigma may exist within officers themselves. Law enforcement is a profession that values and requires emotional and physical toughness. Strength of body and mind is an institutional value and a legitimate source of pride for most cops. But the job that requires such strength is also capable of chipping away at it:

“Police officers are able to show greater strength than most others in dangerous situations. They are an elite group who are courageous enough to run towards danger to protect others. Yet despite their bravery, their mind and body absorb the hits from encountering a steady diet of critical incidents and other insidious stress events. Many officers will be heavily affected by the years of law enforcement stressors. Eventually, these officers will contend with personal emotional or physical fires. Although police officers will always remain an elite group, they are not invincible. Even model cops need career-long, proactive maintenance work to maintain psychological health.” — “Keeping Our Heroes Safe: A Comprehensive Approach to Destigmatizing Mental Health Issues in Law Enforcement” The Police Chief: the Professional Voice of Law Enforcement, May 2014:

Even without duty related stressors, such as critical incidents or other in-house stress, life and biology combine to throw curveballs regardless of what we do for a living – sometimes unexpectedly, so to believe we cannot fall prey to the same stressors as anyone else is dangerously deluded but the stigma tied to mental health remains in law enforcement, individually and institutionally, and perpetuates the risks attached to not getting help:

In police culture, a major obstacle that impedes the maintenance of psychological health is the stigma attached to asking for help. Law enforcement culture values strength, self-reliance, controlled emotions, and competency in handling personal problems. These values discourage help-seeking behavior, and there is a sense of having lost control by asking someone else to help fix the problem. If these values are held too rigidly, an officer can feel weak, embarrassed, and like a failure for seeking help from others. One study found that stigma and help-seeking attitudes were inversely related. In other words, a person facing a higher level of stigma for seeking help was less likely to have a help-seeking attitude. This generates concern for officers who unconditionally conform to the traditional values of law enforcement culture—they will be more likely to avoid seeking help, even when distressed, and potentially pay the price of detrimental health effects.                         — “Keeping Our Heroes Safe: A Comprehensive Approach to Destigmatizing Mental Health Issues in Law Enforcement” The Police Chief: the Professional Voice of Law Enforcement, May 2014:

Some years ago the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) reached out to their Facebook community asking for suggestions on how to fight mental health stigma.  NAMI then created a list of nine suggestions (below, in bold) that we have taken the liberty of adopting for the law enforcement community (our adaptation in italics).  For the immediate purposes of this article, please pay special attention to the first three:

1. Talk openly about mental health. Making the conversation about mental health normal and routine goes a long way toward erasing stigma. Cops have a high degree of contact with the mentally ill yet many still see themselves as out of their element in this setting.  Cops are often uncomfortable with direct contact or prefer to see themselves as strictly crime fighters. Familiarize yourself by joining in the conversation and becoming fluent in the language of mental health care;

2. Educate yourself and others about mental health. Seek out training above and beyond what you may have received in the academy or as mandated within your department. Accept that understanding, working with, serving, and, yes, arresting and holding accountable the mentally ill is an essential job junction of police officers and take responsibility to be the best you can be at it;

3. Be conscious of your language. Use appropriate and sensitive language to avoid the stigmatization so common of the mentally ill. Even in the confines of the station house or car-to-car conversations, understand your words may hurt. Colleagues sitting next to you may be in treatment or have family members or friends who are under care. Even if they are not undergoing treatment, hearing your belief that the mentally ill are whack jobs or nutcases may be all it takes to prevent them from seeking help or opening up about their pain;

4. Encourage equality in how people perceive physical and mental illness. Many physical illnesses are symptomatic of an organic malfunction of one or more of the body’s organs. The brain is an organ that is far more complex in its function than any other organ and susceptible to disease or dysfunction. Respect that;

5. Show empathy and compassion for those living with a mental health condition. Empathy doesn’t cost a thing and what it can do for someone in pain or crisis pays huge dividends. Also, imagine how someone who lives with mental illness in your department must feel when they see their peers equate it with character flaws;

6. Avoid criminalizing mental illness.   Although we’ve come a long way toward understanding mental illness in law enforcement, a lot of officers see arrest as the first or only response to minor crimes committed by someone who may be acting out for lack of better options. This is not to say persons with mental illness do not commit crimes, they do and sometimes arrest is the best, most effective way to force the issue and get them the help they need. But when you are clearly dealing with someone who is mentally ill, consider alternatives to arrest when feasible;

7. Push back against how persons who live with mental illness are portrayed in the media.   Stigma grows where stereotypes and misinformation are rampant.  Politicians, pundits, and performers often perpetuate and even encourage stigma;

8. See the person, not the illness. Human beings are complex, complicated, whole individuals bigger than any one aspect of their personality. Forcing yourself to see the person rather than the illness is the key to maintaining empathy;

9. Become an advocate for mental health reform.   Push reform in how your colleagues and departments treat the mentally ill… Encourage funding for services, treatments and beds. Ask for (or demand) more regular and comprehensive training for dealing with the mentally ill, especially for recognizing and helping other cops who may be in vulnerable places emotionally.  Advocate for departmental services for wounded officers, even if those wounds aren’t the kind that bleed or bruise;

And into the “Nitty Gritty” of direct help

Embracing a stigma free approach to mental illness is great, but how you adapt it to action when faced with a peer’s crisis is key.  For most cops it is second nature when responding to “suicidal subject” or “emotionally disturbed person” calls, but terrifying when reaching out to one of your own, whether they have reached out to you directly, you’ve seen or observed something directly that concerns you, or others are talking about their worries.  It need not be, and empathy governs the process.

Stay even and relaxed

Remaining calm and relaxed is crucial to putting someone else at ease, especially if they’re wracked with fears of “what if I’m found out?”  If you’re anxious or unsettled, you’ll only make their anxiety soar.

How often on calls for service has a calm tone and demeanor calmed the person with whom you are dealing.  It inspires trust in you, brings them back to a mindful center (and therefore better able to manage the moment), and calms the physiological responses of anxiety and fear.

Normalize feelings

Empathy is one of our most powerful tools and something we are all capable of.  Offering personal experiences, being vulnerable about our own fears and anxieties, sharing how we’ve “been there” as well, and minimizing the sense that there’s something wrong with me is incredibly powerful. 

When someone feels their experience is separated from what others feel or have felt, it can be nearly impossible to see that the experience can be overcome.  Emotional solidarity with others – especially strong others who can be vulnerable with their weaknesses – is incredibly empowering.

Promise privacy (as long as immediate safety is not a concern)

Privacy and secrecy are not the same, and privacy is critical for trust.  Of course, if someone is actively a danger to themselves or someone else you must take the necessary steps to keep them safe.  Absent that, however, the promise that what is shared in confidence will remain in confidence is key to building rapport and promoting emotional safety.

Offer to take steps

Offering direct help (calling on others in someone’s support circle, helping to look for a counselor, solving temporarily overwhelming dilemmas can show support, demonstrate earnestness, and free up time and mental space for healing.  The choice should remain their own whether they take you up on it or not, but the offer itself is powerful and allows them a concrete choice to make. 

Otherwise, treat them exactly as before

This is important for anyone, and especially so for cops; treating them as competent, worthy of respect, and blandly normal rather than compromised and fragile is a relieving display of faith.  It says you are still colleagues, they’re still a cop expected to meet their responsibilities, and this is a season of life to pass through which to pass.  Remarkably strong and competent people can and do hurt and thrive all at once.

You can have a tremendous impact on a fellow officer going through a difficult time, and how you respond to them may mean the difference between their seeking help and healing or staying stuck.  It could even be the difference between life and death.