Core Principles of Flowing Through Emotions

In this, the final companion piece to our two previous articles in which we explore a (somewhat) new and largely different way of experiencing and managing emotions, we build off a central premise that cops “work in an environment rich with opportunity for strong and frequently painful or uncomfortable emotions, and work really hard at divorcing their day-to-day lives from them” while consistently failing to keep them effectively isolated, and that “many officers experience anger, stress, frustration, sadness, or any other strong and sometimes distressing emotions, and are affected negatively by them.”  Ultimately, attempts to isolate or quash these strong emotions are doomed to not only fail, but harm us. 

A therapeutic modality known as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – along with the core principles upon which it is built – has been extremely effective for us in working with clients and even personally applied, and the basis for effectively feeling and managing “difficult” emotions.  Anger has been the primary emotion/feeling we’ve addressed, as it is so front-and-center for many cops, but the core principles of ACT can be applied to anxiety, sadness, or any other emotion.  The key is to stop trying to eliminate these emotions and instead accept and “flow through” them while staying true to your own values and taking committed action in their pursuit.  The end goal is the development of psychological flexibility.

Originally conceptualized and developed by Dr Steven C Hayes in 1982, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy expands upon long-revered cognitive and behavioral therapies to create a blended and advanced approach.  Its objective is not to eradicate difficult feelings but rather to “be present” with them and to "move toward valued behavior.” It asks people to be open to unpleasant feelings without overreacting to them, and to not avoid situations they are likely to be experienced.  In a world that tells us to avoid the unpleasant, that pain is unacceptable, or bad feelings and emotions will inevitably hurt us, this is a radical concept. 

ACT’s Six Core Principles (and what they might mean for cops)

Cognitive Defusion counters our tendency to “get caught up in our thoughts” such that we start identifying with them to such a degree they become obsessions, reframe how we value and think of ourselves, or elevating them in our minds to such a degree we automatically assume them to be absolute, objective truths about ourselves, others, our situations, etc. 

Thoughts are just thoughts, mental words and images we create to supply understanding of our world and that we give meaning and power.  But the power we give them may be too great, or the meaning too accepted as fact, and they become distorted versions of a quite different reality.  When this happens we become lost in the distortion and swept up in resultant anger, anxiety, or paranoia.  Cops become convinced “everyone is against us,” “bosses – ALL bosses – are ready to kick us under the bus,” and that no one can be trusted and, if you do trust someone, you cannot trust yourself, among other common stories.

Defusion means not becoming “fused” to our thoughts; rather, to look at them with curiosity, as a gift to consider but not the final definition of truth, and be willing to let them go as easily as they come.  That a thought occurs to us does not mean it must be acted upon (or if a competing thought arrives we need be thrown into cognitive dissonance) and this gives us freedom to continually alter and reconsider the cognitive frameworks through which we view the world.  This is a remnant of cognitive-based theories and therapies where thoughts are critically considered, but with the element of acceptance even if taken only at face value. 

Expansion (Acceptance) is making room for uncomfortable, even distressing, emotions and feelings.  Most of us seek a sense of happiness defined as being free of sadness, anxiety, worry, fear, etc… with no hope of achieving it.  The fact is, a rich, full life is replete with loss, disappointment, broken relationships, personal and professional failures, and other events that will inevitably provoke discomfort.  No rich, full life, no matter how generally satisfying and happy, can avoid these for long, yet we desperately try to avoid pain. 

Expansion means making room for the painful, willingly (if not necessarily cheerfully, of course) opening yourself to being hurt, with the understanding that the painful is survivable and the benefits of openness to it far greater than the limitations imposed by hiding.  So go for that assignment or promotion you’ll probably never get, put yourself out knowing you may be disappointed, risk the broken heart, and commit to futile cause once in a while, just because it’s the right thing to do.  To not it cynicism in action. 

Connection with the Present Moment means staying focused on the time and place you are without judgment.  Obsessing on the past and what might have been, what you wish you’d done, who you’ve hurt and been wounded by, and all the regrets that come with it leads to depression.  Ruminating over events and worries yet to come, that may or may not ever come to fruition, feeds anxiety.  We have no power to change the past, and only limited control over our futures, so disconnection from the present leads us away from full experience of where we are now and all its benefits. 

This is not to say memory serves no purpose, provides no lessons, or should be mentally mothballed.  On the contrary, memory is vitally important to our story and our present, it merely needs to be held with perspective an acceptance.  Nor should we be so presently focused as to surrender all control of the future to happenstance.  But placing too much emphasis on memories of what was or worries about what might be robs of the power of presence.

The Observing Self (Self as Context) is a term for the sort of meta-awareness that that allows one to have an external awareness of one’s internal experience, thoughts, and feelings.  Key to cognitive defusion, it is being able to objectively see, identify, and label them from the standpoint of an outside observer.  If criticism of you as a cop personally, or of the profession generally, is fostering contempt, anger, frustration, or distrust, the emotions, thoughts, and feelings you experience are largely automatic; lived within our own experience there is little we can do to control them, and these are exactly the types of emotions that can most threaten our psychological wellbeing.  Viewing them through the eyes of the observing self, however, greatly lessens the likelihood they will trouble or harm us.

Being able to say, “I NOTICE I am feeling angry about…” or “I am thinking that…” accepts the feelings and thoughts nonjudgmentally while providing distance and objectivity to them.  In this way, the experience is validated while we can take in the context with a sense of openness and curiosity. 

These four core principles are the building blocks of what is more commonly understood as mindfulness.  Taken together, they are a powerful antidote for becoming emotionally overwhelmed and controlled by difficult feelings.  They work in concert with two other core principles:

Values are the beliefs, ethics, and activities that provide meaning to our lives.  Seeking happiness or even contentment by way of eliminating uncomfortable emotions is doomed to fail, only to breed and foster even more of the discomfort you began with.  Instead, living a value-driven, value-defined life is consistently found to be the source of sustained satisfaction. 

Most law enforcement officers are inherently value-driven, at least initially and if they are able to resist cynical fatalism.  Finding and recommitting to those values that drove you in the early days of your career, and then practicing and maintaining a degree of mindfulness to the stress, anger, ennui, frustration, and internal chatter that pulls them down, is crucial to maintaining the satisfying and value-driven life that lays the foundation for real happiness.

Finally, choosing and taking committed action that follows your values, at work and away, with the ability and willingness to adjust and change course when needed, gives purpose.  You know what actions need to derive from your values.  Are you doing them?

The experts and advocates ACT give the formula  

Mindfulness + Values + Committed Action = Psychological Flexibility

Psychological Flexibility is that quality that protects us from the dangers of troubling emotions and feelings, and grants us the ability to incorporate them into our lives in a way to see them as inevitable and even necessary pieces of the human experience.