Reflections From A Career LEO Wife

Jan. 14, 2016
As we move into a new year, it's habit to look back at previous years. The reflections aren't always pretty and looking ahead can be daunting. It's vital that you stay positive and strong and keep an eye on what's really important.

As 2015 came to a close and 2016 lays ahead, it’s time once again to reflect. Over the 25+ years hubby and I have been married, many things have changed and many things, sadly, are not easily forgotten.

Although his job has afforded us a comfortable life and some very good friends, many of the first reflections are more tragic than uplifting.  Perhaps that’s what happens when you reach 30 years on the job.  He will be the first to say it’s been a great ride, something different every day; however, it has certainly taken a toll when looked at collectively over the years.

How can you possibly get the sound of a mother’s grief out of your head when you have had to notify the family their child, home from college has been in a fatal accident?  Or, the sight of an entire family having been killed by a father, before he turned the weapon on himself?  How do you wrap your head around the sight of a small child having been abused or starved to death by his parents? Or of people being thrown out the front of a car as it burns after hitting a tree because they were driving far too fast under the influence?  There are still many positive things upon his reflection, but unfortunately it’s the tragic ones that come to his mind first.

Those are the things that make the family time away from the job that much more important.  Kiss your children when you get home, hug loved ones a little tighter, speak “softer.” Take stock in the small moments and adventures, and experiences you are able to have as a family.  There is so much sadness and evil out there that most people have no idea about, and can’t even imagine or EVER understand, even if they say they do.  I still wrestle with what I imagine those scenarios are really like as hubby describes them… My wish for all LEOS in 2016 is a first thought/reflection to be an uplifting positive one.

From my perspective your job too has changed immeasurably over the last 30+ years as well.  Where once, you (as a LEO) were respected by the general public and the job was to enforce the law,  now it appears that the public you will come in contact with most often on the job has little to no respect for anyone. You had very specific rules and codes to do your jobs and you had higher standards to live up to.  Now you are expected to be counselors, taxi drivers  and referees with little or no back up on most calls.  You have people lying to you daily, trying to negotiate their way out of the consequences of their actions. Your equipment to do the job is often times outdated, lacking or less affective.  Your standards have been lowered and relaxed.  People have forgotten or have chosen to re-define the job, so that now your hands in many cases are tied and you are second-guessed at every turn. I fear LEO safety is at risk in many situations due to the relaxed regulations and standards. As a LEOW and mother I ask you to be vigilant…

You MUST be on your game when you set out on your shifts.  You MUST be prepared.  You MUST be aware of your surroundings at all times.  You MUST know your general orders and the local & state laws.  You MUST hold yourself mentally and physically to a higher standard than those around you expect or have dictated.  You MUST be commanding and let the public know you are in control, if not for your own safety formerly for the piece of mind for the victims of crimes, or those in need of protection.  You MUST have common sense and make wise decisions, not just those that are politically correct or expedient.  You MUST hold tight to discretion and not ruin someone’s life or livelihood unnecessarily. You MUST remind people more often that you in fact are the police and someone will be arrested if they do not listen to your directions after all you have been “called” to their situation.  You MUST not fear repercussions of doing your job and you MUST dot all your “i’s” and cross all your “t’s” so there are no avoidable repercussions.  You MUST be able to do this without having your hand held by a superior.  You MUST keep the law and politics separate.  You MUST stay invested in the job.  You MUST do all this to be safe and keep other officers safe as well. 

Your families, and friends, and loved ones need you.  You MUST come back home at the end of every shift.  May God bless each and every LEO, their spouses, and families in 2016.  Be your best and be safe.

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