I have wrestled with the topics of a blog for weeks now; wanting my words to be relevant. With so much negative press the police officers are getting right now, it’s almost pointless to write anything that is neither defensive nor redundant, however I will try. We all are aware of the senseless murders and shooting that have happened to these men and women of late, and all I can feel is rage and a deep sadness. Every time, things seem to quiet down…someone does something evil. So I have decided to write about Balance.
I am by no means an expert on being Zen or have all the answers. I have however, developed a very strong personality over the years. Once upon a time I would have been considered shy and introverted. I have had to become somewhat thicker skinned. You can like what I say or not; at my age I have plenty of friends. I can only share my perspective, having been related to and/or married to a LEO most of my life. I have 4 children, I am including my husband in that number. Not to be funny or sarcastic, but to explain the depth of concern, & love I have for him and them each day…to know and understand what that truly gut-wrenching, nauseating feeling of worry and concern for each of them can be, at any given moment.
As a LEO wife I can share that I have learned discernment. I know when I am being used for my husband’s profession. I have witnessed over the years my children having lost people they “thought” to be their friends. I have heard the frustration of those we were once friendly with, when we have had to back out of plans or change them at the last minute, do to his work. I have had my imagination run wild, when I have not heard from him LONG after his shift was over. Knowing that the news is not reporting all the facts…How can you not be swept up in the emotions of the day’s event? So I look for balance.
Balance. Try as hard as you can to create a balance for yourself. You are the sounding board for your spouse, one of the ways he or she can decompress; to speak out loud what he/she had been dealing with all shift. It is essential you understand what their day is like, and what they face. However, you need to be able to decompress as well. You matter, your family matters. You are no value to anyone or yourself when you are overstressed, unhappy, and overwhelmed.
Find your passion, things that make you smile, something rewarding, and don’t let anyone try to take it away. Set goals, big or small, give back to the community, run a 5k, learn to cook something new. Remember you have worth beyond what you or others may realize. You can juggle schedules, you are often a single parent with super powers, are both understanding and flexible whether by choice or necessity. You bring something very unique to the table regardless of your education, or career choices…as hard as it may be some time, NEVER ever forget that. Don’t let anyone challenge your worth…this is often easier said than done.
Make time for family. They are your true support through good and bad. Looking back I am so grateful for the moments I was able to be with my children as they were growing up. As hard as my LEO tried to be there with us and participate, I am still sad at all the moments he lost out on. The holidays and birthdays, and life events he could not be there for. Knowing he was doing his job and helping someone else. We always made it a point to fill him in and share the experiences the best we could…it was still a loss of sorts.
Choose friends and confidants very-very wisely. Not every officer’s wife will be your friend, especially if your spouse wants to move up in rank. It is human nature. People like to ask questions and sometimes, even if you know the answer you really can’t answer them. I have a select few of very trusted wives I know I can speak freely with (maybe 3) at most…the others are kept at arm’s length. Find friends outside of “the job”. Actions speak WAY louder than words. Some like to find fault, mistakes made, and comment on things they have no frame of reference on. It’s not that they are not lovely women (or men), it’s just that when you get a group like that together, misery loves company, people like to talk, and we have preferred to keep our lives private. (Just a word to the wise.)
Choose to be happy. It’s a choice, like most things in life. Do your best, it’s all you can do. Find your balance. It’s a great profession, and we have been blessed in so many ways because of it and the people we have met along the way. Just always remember to find balance, it is so very easy for all of us to forget to.
