One of the most frustrating calls I get as a crisis worker begins with, “My child has run away.” Although our teams work with families in crisis and a child leaving home without permission is definitely a crisis, we do not go out and look for children. We will come to the home or really anywhere in the community when the child is found to help mediate a family crisis, but we cannot do that until the child is located. In the interim the only referral I can make is for the parent to call the police. Often the parent knows, as do I that the only thing the police can do is make a report so that if a child is stopped and identified, officers will know he or she has run away. Officers, like our crisis teams, do not look for runaways unless there is mitigating circumstances, such as they are very young, disabled or medically fragile. Possibly even when a child has made suicidal or homicidal statements. Basically, they have to be an at-risk class. Of course, tell this to a parent whose 13 year old daughter has run away because she’s not allowed to visit with her new 22 year old paramour and they will argue to the ends of the earth that their child is at-risk. And they’re right, but the system has to have a much more limited definition.
Who are these children who are deciding that they no longer want to be at home? Are they all just defiant teenagers who want to do what they want and are rebelling against their parents? It might seem easy to just clump them all together but like the world of teenagers there are a variety of facets that might land a child on the streets, many of which they have little control over.
Runaways
With a broad stroke, runaways tend to fall into two categories: those who are defiant and refuse to follow their healthy parents’ rules and those who don’t really have any rules and have unhealthy parents. The first category covers the ones we used to do incorrigibility packets on. They were the ones who despite their parents best efforts would not listen, continually leave the house without permission and/or do not come home when they are suppose to. These children are challenging because the parent wants help. They want to do the right thing. They just do not have the physical ability to make a child stay where they want them to. Often these children are just making poor, immature choices. They think they are so grown-up and really do not have a clue what surviving in the real world takes. They have been taken care of their whole lives, fed, clothed, housed. The parents are frustrated because they do not want their child to be harmed by their poor choices and they recognize that as the legal guardian until age 18, they are liable for these same poor choices. Often all you can do to support these parents is remind them to utilize their own support systems and self-care techniques and keep maintaining appropriate boundaries and consequences. No one ever said parenting was going to be easy.
The second type belongs to those who are unfortunate enough to live in an environment that is harmful. Often, these children live in homes with parental substance abuse, domestic violence, and many times physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Even faced with an uncertain future and the threat of the streets, this is a better choice than remaining in place. These parents don’t technically let their children leave; they just don’t do anything when they do if they even know they are gone.
Throwaways
Many times the second type of runaway will eventually fall into this category as well. These are the children that the parents kick out. Again, a myriad of situations can precipitate the leaving, including defiant runaway parents finally just giving in to their frustration and exhaustion and parents who don’t want to take care of their kids anymore. Sometimes a biological parent makes the choice to be with a partner who doesn’t want the children. Just when I think I can’t hear of a worse depressing situation facing a child, I will.
Law Enforcement and Juvenile Justice’s role
Faced with limited options, especially due to statutes that omit running away as a criminal act, what are those in law enforcement supposed to do? Parents want answers that we often cannot give them. They want options that we certainly can’t do, such as, “Just take him away.” Sorry, we can’t do that and even if we could where would we take them? Certainly not jail and even juvenile hall doesn’t make sense for most of these situations. Unfortunately, the defiant runaways are often the result of lax parenting over the years. When you don’t set rules and expectations AND follow through with any consequences of violating these when they are 6, what do you expect when they are 16? There isn’t an officer on the beat that is going to be able to turn back time. And, don’t even get me started on the parents who want an officer to come over and, “Put the fear of God into them.” We want our children to trust and respect police and using them as a parenting heavy is both in contrast to this goal but an inappropriate use of tax-payer funded resources. On the other hand are the children that have runaway from unhealthy and abusive homes and the throwaways. With a trauma-informed model of care and knowledge of available resources, officers can often help these children find stability, a safe housing situation and stay in school until they reach the age of majority. Understanding that these are not miniature adults but that they have been forced into dealing with an adult world, can help those of us in law enforcement and juvenile justice keep our compassion and truly be resourceful for them.
Runaways often put professionals between a rock and a hard place. There doesn’t seem to be any easy answers. What we can do is remember that every situation is different. We can offer what help we can such as a supportive ear for a parent, helping with referrals to family counseling or community respite options, and supporting children who have to make choices as a product of their environment. No matter what our job title, we can be positive members of the village.
