So there we are, lying in bed. I look over at my husband with a sparkle in my eye and say those four little words every man wants to hear. You know, the words that get his heart rate humming. The words guaranteed to get his undivided attention. In case you haven’t guessed yet those words were, “Let’s have a baby.” Ok fine; maybe that was a little misleading but the surprise was on me. At that point I had been a cop for five years and my husband for eleven. I figured we had this job down pat and things were going smooth. Work scheduled? Handled. Exercise program? That of a professional athlete. Diet? On point. So I was ready to add a little trunk monkey to our clan. What could go wrong I thought? I mean we both were professional adult babysitters: skilled in calming the most irrational person; able to adapt to the most intense and stressful situations. What could go wrong? Right?
Daycare problems on holidays: what to do.
Three years into the future I now know what could go wrong. Imagine if you will, a world where people work Monday through Friday, 8 to 5. Yeah, I know; I can’t either but work with me. It’s a beautiful sunny day. I have a smile on my face. My wonderful little booger eater (we are working with him) skipping along as we walk up to the daycare. One of those days where there might as well be freaking rainbows shooting out of my… ears, but then I see it - the dreaded piece of paper taped to the door, flapping in the wind. I stop in my tracks. I’ve seen this before and I know what it means. The smile fades. The rainbows disappear. On the paper is notification that the daycare will be closed for a holiday. UGH! First of all, what the hell is a “HOLIDAY?” I’ve heard unbelievable tales about days that regular working people get to take off for special occasions to spend time with their families. For us, it’s just another day to find childcare and deal with many of those “normal people” as they fight with their families instead of cherishing these “special” times.
As a cop, I have to work most, if not all holidays. The problem is compounded because my cop husband also has to work the holidays. This puts a lot of stress on us during the holiday season(s). School’s out, daycare’s closed but our work churns right along without pause. What do we do? We have learned to lean on family (or close friends) during most of those times. For some and for us, some of the time family or friends are not available. One resource we have turned to is a trusted employee at our child’s daycare. Sure we have to pay extra but our short round is worth it. When we finally get to schedule our holiday hours, we make sure we take a day together and celebrate as a family. Sometimes our holidays are days or even weeks before or after the actual day. We have learned that WHEN is not nearly as important as being together.
We are badass working moms. That’s a fact.
The time will come, a lot, when you feel guilty for not being there for every event like no-working or non-shiftwork moms are. You might even feel like you are failing as a mom. Some of our customers even try to make you feel bad. Once I got a call to tend to the needs of a particularly deadbeat lady. While at her house, solving the problems in her life that she couldn’t at 3:00am, she had the hairy huevos to tell me she “felt bad” for my child because I am a “working mom.” She went on to say I could not possible be aware or in tune with my child’s life because I am not a “stay at home mom.” I smiled sweetly at her, like we do to all of the woefully uninformed street phycologist and lawyers. She got the “you’re my insane person for the shift sticker.” Again I’m being a little misleading. I’m sure most of you can imagine the things I was saying to the fine woman in my head. None of which is appropriate for this article.
Let me be the first to tell you, YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You are a hero. A mom that is doing badass things that many in our society could never do. Your kids will think it’s pretty cool, if they don’t already. You are mom first in your children’s eyes. The advantage we have is how familiar we are with how short life is and how valuable every minute with our child is. You will make the most of every moment where many take the time for granted.
Balancing is easier said than done.
It is easy for those that have never work shift work, to sit on their high horse and tell you how you should balance your time, sleep, family time, exercise, etcetera. Nearly all cops have those kinds of people in their life: the experts without experience. Take them with a grain of salt and hope their heart is in the right place. The fact is, I work nights as a patrol cop. I don’t need to tell you this is one of the hardest jobs to work and balance family life. We are in a constant state of exhaustion. I routinely forget to eat because I am so busy (this drives my husband insane as he is also my fitness coach). Even with all the difficulties of the job, it’s of the upmost importance to keep your household running. I help run my house by working with my husband to prioritize things that are going on in our lives. We divide up the basic chores, set aside time to ensure we get to workout, and even on occasion go out for fun. I am lucky that my husband is supportive of whatever changes I need to make to be able to do all the things I do for work, to run my business, and spend time with our family. For those that are doing this alone I applaud you. You have my utmost respect. Nothing is more important than the time I get to spend with my family. The longer I am a cop, the more I realize this.
Bottom line: Do not EVER feel guilty or that you are less of a mom because you are out protecting the sheep. As a female in a public safety career, you are already breaking the mold. You are setting the best example possible for your child. Even though we may miss out on a few things here and there, the impression you are making on your children will last them a life time.
Kayla Walker | Fitness Contributor
KP is a veteran police officer, mom, wife and fitness competitor. Having faced the challenges of being a small (5'-3") woman on the street and all the negativity that faced her as she entered the fitness competition realm, KP started an online community via Facebook (facebook.com/fitcops) and Twitter (@fitcops) and Instagram (@fitcops and @kpatfitcops) to support fitness oriented officers. That online community has grown and she's started a third career as a writer to help share the fitness message and to focus on challenges that face female police officers in today's world.
