My significant other is a police officer. I am an EMT. We both work in public safety. We both go into unstable scenes to control emergencies. We both work with diverse populations in an often emotionally exhausting field. There are many similarities in the world in which we work. Recently, it occurred to me that there are a lot of dissimilarities as well. Ones that I hadn’t really thought about but which color not only our work life but our home life as well. I was scrolling through my Facebook and realized that my SO had changed his name. Instead of the true spelling, his last name was now the historic ethnic spelling from the tenth century. I asked him why he did this and his response, “If no one can blind run me sounds good.” My initial thought, “What? Who cares?” That’s when I realized he did. And not only him, but thousands of officers around the nation do. Not being blind run was a consideration that existed in his public safety world and not mine. That’s what made me start thinking about some of those differences.
Dishonesty
As a medic, I’m often lied to. Many times the lying revolves around precipitating events or substance use. It can also involve dishonesty about whether or not someone is actually thinking of harming themselves. Most of the time, someone’s dishonesty is not going to harm me. It can delay or prevent appropriate care for the client, but physically it’s not going to affect me. It’s not that big of a deal. On the other hand, when someone lies to my SO, it could get him killed. Due to this, we both view dishonesty in a very different light. To me, it’s a bad thing for my client and as a medic I don’t like that. For him, it’s a threat and it cannot be allowed to happen.
Public Perception
Because of my police background, when I joined the fire department many of my friends and family were surprised. My blue family in particular was baffled and asked why I hadn’t gone to the police academy instead. My response, “I want people to love me.” It was a tongue-in-cheek reply but actually wasn’t far from the truth. As a fire fighter or EMT, when I show up on scene people are super thrilled to see me. They express their gratitude. When my SO shows up on scene, usually nobody is happy. He is often met with distrust, animosity and aggression. Even those he is helping, such as the victim of domestic violence can turn on him.
Scrutiny
When I showed up on scene to a neighbor dispute the other day, one of the officers met us at our van to debrief us. One of the participants had mental health and substance use issues which is why the officers called us to come assist them. Looking down the driveway at the scene, where the other officer was interacting with the person, I asked, “Is he filming this?” The officer affirmed that he was and that he had been from the beginning of the interaction. When we approached, the subject continually referenced his filming telling the officers over and over it was for his own safety and that they had better not screw up. I can’t think of one time when I’ve responded to a medical emergency where the subject or their friends or family have shoved a camera in my face “just to keep me honest. I give a lot of kudos to officers for holding it together when they face these situations. I’m not sure I would have it in me.
Physical Danger
Even though I’m a street medic and my partner and I go into some pretty volatile situations unarmed and vestless, we are not tasked with controlling violent, dangerous scenes. Officers are. It might be an area of contention between fire/EMS and law enforcement, but we stage because we are not equipped nor trained to physically control a situation that needs to be contained. There is no other department, no other occupation that is tasked with getting in there and getting it done. It’s an officer’s role. They put themselves in mortal danger time and time again. And, they choose to do this. It’s a promise that they have made to themselves and their community. Therefore, they view every situation as potentially lethal. I view it as predominately controlled, especially when officers get there first.
These realities gave me a new perspective on the world my SO works and lives in. I feel it was important for me to understand his experience and why he responds to things the way he does. Having a police officer as an SO is often a lesson in trying to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Of course, I know I would only walk a mile in his boots. I decided long ago that I didn’t want to be spit on, cursed at or shot just because of the uniform I wear. Although there are many differences in our public safety worlds, we do have some significant similarities. We both work in occupations with enormous traumatic and cumulative stress. We have to take care of each other, hold each other accountable for good self-care and coping mechanisms and support each other the best we can. We also both face incredible frustration with recidivism. He can take the same person to jail over and over and they will continue to harm people potentially graduating to rape or murder. I can do wound care and take someone to the hospital over and over and they will continue to mismanage their conditions and end up with maggots in their wound. It’s a frustrating cycle. What I realized is it’s important for us to appreciate the role each plays in the world. We both have very clear career goals. His-to protect and serve. Mine-to comfort and heal. Together we make a pretty good team even if sometimes we don’t understand each other.
Michelle Perin
Michelle Perin has been a freelance writer since 2000. In December 2010, she earned her Master’s degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice from Indiana State University.
