Let's Talk About Cops, Coffee and Donuts

I had every intention of this being a nice light-hearted piece about cops and donuts. But you can’t have donuts without coffee and, let’s be honest, coffee is a very serious business. So, the light-hearted intent got balanced out and I think we end up someplace near reality.

For me, I’ve always loved donuts. No question. As a kid they were a special treat my dad would have waiting for us on Saturday mornings and sometimes on Sunday as well. Of course, back then I didn’t have the sense to realize that “getting a special treat for the kids” was also a way for my dad to justify having a couple donuts himself on those mornings. I never paid attention to the coffee that my parents had with the donuts. It was just what they drank, right? My mom drank coffee all day. She’d even drink it cold or a day old (blech!). My dad had a cup or two of coffee each morning and that was that.

Jump forward to my introduction to 24-hour shifts courtesy of Uncle Sam’s Army and being a Military Police Officer. Suddenly, coffee was my friend. It was my best friend. The power of caffeine became appreciated although I never truly took a liking to coffee by itself. To this day I’m impressed by people who drink black coffee. But what about the donuts? The carbs and sugar had to be a great blessing as well, right? Maybe they would have been, but I took a personal oath. I made a promise to myself that I would never eat a donut while in uniform. Why? Because I refused to promote the stereotype of a donut-eating cop. Every such cop I could think of came from some television show or movie and virtually none of them were complimentary.

When I think of television cops and donuts the first image that comes to mind is Chief Wiggum from The Simpsons. Overweight, mostly clueless and almost always presented with a donut in hand – glazed with sprinkles; as fattening as it can get. He must have really worked hard to keep his weight up and his IQ down. I never wanted to be associated with that image in any way.

Then we have Ponch from CHiPs! Erik Estrada’s love of donuts was so well known, both on and off screen, that he wouldn’t just get one or two. He’d take the whole box, thank you!

On the television show Battle Creek, officers from the BCPD are often featured eating donuts in the Sweetwater’s Donut Mill.

I think the ultimate happened in the show The Amazing World of Gumball when they created a character called Donut Cop – an officer whose head was literally a donut.

The stereotype is so iconic that I can’t count the number of times I’ve been asked if cops actually love and eat donuts as much as they are represented to. That very stereotype is why I refused to eat a donut in uniform. Off-duty? Sure. At home on a Saturday morning? Occasionally. But in uniform? Nope.

Let’s face it: law enforcement professionals, whether we’re police officers, deputies, troopers, agents, whatever… we’re all lumped into one category: “cops.” Every stereotype applied to one of us is applied to all of us because people just see the uniform. They often don’t pay attention to the badge, or star, or mix. If you’re not in a uniform, then you’re in a suit or plainclothes. Suits are all detectives, right? Plainclothes are all vice, right?

The stereotypes get out of hand quickly but none seem to be as penetrative in society as the donut eating cop. So, let me offer everyone reading this another dose of reality:

Cops often work double and sometimes triple shifts. Due to emergency circumstances there was once a time where I worked about four days – 96 hours – with maybe 20 minutes of sleep here and there where I could catch it. Carbs, sugar and caffeine were not the healthy answer to my nutritional needs, but they were the available and easy answer to my energy needs. I’m not the only cop this has ever been true of.

And in this moment, I’m thinking of Detective Traxler from The Terminator. He was working without regard for a schedule and drinking coffee because he needed it. He was drinking nasty coffee; day old coffee; coffee that had had a cigarette put out in it. He drank the disgusting tasting caffeine infused elixir with appreciation for both the taste and the caffeine because he needed it that bad. But even Detective Traxler didn’t consume a donut on screen (that I can remember). Even he knew better than to promote that stereotype.

So, for all my brethren cops, think about it the next time you go to pick up a donut while in uniform. If you choose to enjoy it, make sure it’s not a white powdered one because it will be on your uniform for the rest of your shift. Coffee? Drink all you want but don’t spill it into your patrol vehicle’s laptop. Don’t let yourself become Chief Wiggum and always present the uniform with pride.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need another cup of coffee… but I’m skipping the donuts for a while.