Law Enforcement is generally quite serious. Officers deal with injured victims, mourning families, heated confrontations, violent arrests, deadly threats, and far more stress than anyone should be subject to. However, it can't be said that officers will never find something to laugh about. The excuses drivers give for speeding are frequently better one-liners than you'll find on late night television. When an officer calls a suspect by their real name after they gave a bogus one, and they make the mistake of responding? Classic Comedy. Almost anything that follows the line “I'm gonna be totally honest...” is the type of absurdity that would make the Monty Python crew proud. While crime is no laughing matter, justice with a dash of humor is always a welcome sight in the bleakness of today's policing. The gold medal for most comical arrests, both in hilarity and volume, has to go to the U.S. Marshal Service.
Before delving into that, two well deserved honorable mentions. In 2002, police in Chandler Arizona decided it was time to round up some outstanding arrest warrants, most of which were for DUI. Rather than try to track down each individual offender, they had the offenders come to them. In the days before Blu-ray, the price of a regular old DVD player could exceed $500. With VCR's on the way out, what better way to get people to show up than with a promise of the latest in home cinema, for free? Offers were sent to the last known address' of the wanted individuals, stating they had won a brand new DVD player, and all they had to do was come down to the Chandler Center for the Arts at the specified date to receive their prize. A couple dozen people showed up, confirmed their identity at a sign-in table, and were led into the next room where they were immediately arrested. Some laughed it off, some were upset, but all were apprehended.
Countless viewers of the classic police documentary show, COPS, were enthralled by the high-octane, action movie-esque lives of the men and women featured. Many modern officers can recall plenty of exciting COPS moments they saw growing up, and whether they admit it or not, they were most likely inspired by these scenes. Also in 2002, apparently a fun year to be a cop, Tampa Police Department's Special Operations Division decided to have a little fun with a prostitution sting featured on the program. An officer donned a John Wayne Gacy-type clown getup, and drove a fittingly creepy van complete with an advertisement for “Coco the Clown”, and a bogus “555” telephone number, which none of the prostitutes seemed to notice. Wired with audio and video equipment, Coco would approach women in an area known for prostitution, and ask if they wanted some “clown action”. After they agreed on a price and sprayed some silly string or threw some confetti, the signal was given. Officer Coco would tap the brakes causing the lights to flash, alerting the others to move in. The alleged prostitutes were apprehended and informed Coco was a police officer, their comments were recorded, and there would be no balloon animals. They didn't find it as funny as the viewers did.
The U.S. Marshals Service was established in 1789, with the intention of acting similarly to a county sheriff, but on a federal level. They were to carry out orders of federal courts, such as serving subpoenas, writs, and of course, warrants. This made fugitive apprehension, high on their list of priorities. Deputy Marshals have long worked in conjunction with local law enforcement to capture wanted criminals. In the 1980s, they expanded this function into nine operations designed to bring in large numbers of wanted persons in a particular area. The plan was to assist smaller agencies who lacked the necessary resources to carry out the manhunts on their own. The Marshals had found fugitives are a major contributor to the crime rate in the U.S., because they are willing to commit additional crimes in attempt to evade arrest. Between 1981 and 1986, the Fugitive Investigative Strike Teams, or FIST, ran operations across the country, rounding up all manner of wanted people, including probation and parole violators and federal prison escapees. The underlying crimes for these warrants spanned from kidnapping to drug trafficking to murder and much more. Plenty of dangerous people in the bunch, to be sure. Using careful, diligent police work, most of these people were tracked down and successfully apprehended without any trouble, but on few occasions, the Marshals had to get crafty, and they did not disappoint.
During one FIST operation, deputies knew they would stick out like a sore thumb in some areas, making people suspicious, and potentially alerting the target subject. However, much like the Spanish Inquisition, no one expects the mailman. A deputy noticed how easily mail carries made their way through neighborhoods without raising a single eyebrow, and hatched a brilliant scheme. He dressed as a mailman—complete with a mail bag, concealed firearm, and a bullet proof vest, and carried a package—to the fugitive's residence. He had the suspect's description on the package receipt and once he was sure the package recipient was the wanted person, he gave a kind tip of his hat, signaling the strike team to swarm and apprehend the suspect. Using this sting, dubbed “Mr. Zip”, FIST was able to literally deliver justice to the criminal's doorstep.
Another FIST trick was the Puño Airlines scam. During FIST VIII in 1985, over a dozen fugitives in the Miami area received the offer of a lifetime. They were alerted by mail they had won a plane ticket from Puño Airlines for a weekend in the Bahamas. If that wasn't sweet enough, they had $350 coming their way to spend on the trip, and they would ride to the airport in style after they were picked up in a luxurious limousine. While this all seemed far too good to be true, that didn't deter the contest winners. Once arrangements were made for their lovely tropical getaway, the limo was sent, and all but one man didn't make it much further. The majority of the arrests were made right there in the limo, and their disappointment was through the roof. The sun roof, that is. The one man who kindly declined the free ride decided he would head to the airport on his own. Luckily the team had the foresight to set up a fake ticket counter at the airport, just in case anyone was skeptical of the existence of Puño Airlines. When he arrived, he found the ticket counter and was no doubt relieved to find out it was all legitimate. He was then arrested and found out the offer was not at all legitimate.
The absolute mother of all law enforcement sponsored bamboozlement has to be FIST's "Operation Flagship." After the success of the Puño Airlines scam, the Marshals couldn't help but have a bit more fun at the end of the year. On December 15, 1985, about 100 contest winners—who just so happened to be wanted criminals—descended upon the Washington Convention Center in Washington, D.C. They received by mail, an invitation from Flagship International Sports Television, Inc, or FIST, to attend a free brunch. In addition to the meal, they won two tickets to a Washington Redskins game, transportation to and from the game, and entry into a drawing to win tickets to the upcoming Super Bowl. An exciting deal, no doubt, but while the recipients were ready for some football, they weren't quite ready for the real prize. The convention center was decorated with banners, and filled with mascots, cheerleaders, television executives and even a tuxedo-clad master of ceremonies, top hat and all. In addition, there were all the normal employees you'd find in a convention center, such as caterers, ushers, and janitors. All of the staff on hand to celebrate and tend to the contest winners shared a big secret; they were all cops. Every last one. The winners were led into a conference room, in small, manageable groups, to receive their prizes. As they took their seats, the M.C. took to the stage to start the proceedings. Once all the winners were in place and ready to receive their prizes he shared another exciting surprise with them: everyone is under arrest. That was the cue for the shotgun-wielding U.S. Marshals Service Special Operations Group to flood the room and take each person into custody. The lucky folks were escorted out of the building and onto a bus, and rather than head to the game, they went straight to jail. This process was repeated for the next group, and next, until every winner was arrested.
FIST operations proved to be an immense success, with nearly 15,000 arrests over its five year run, as well as some the funniest arrest stories of all time. The U.S. Marshals Service has carried on its legacy of apprehending fugitives, with tens of thousands of arrests each year and they're always looking for more. If ever you've committed a crime, and you think you've gotten away with it, check your mail. You may have won a prize.
