Heading up to the Castle, the building our residential children live in while in treatment, her cries pierced the air. They were mournful, full of rage, sadness and despair. The hair on my arms stood up. The contrast from the peaceful, country setting complete with mountain spring and oaks dripping with moss made her screams even more intense. When I turned the corner, I saw her, crumbled on the ground, sobbing. Only ten years old, her small frame hardly made a speck. I nodded my head in acknowledgment to the two staff members standing by her. I felt anger rise as I remembered her background, what the adults who were suppose to keep her safe did to her and why she was here in our facility. One of the things I’ve learned working in the juvenile justice/child welfare field is that many children behave unconsciously based on past trauma. Knowing that, I am able to sift through the awful language, posturing, violent actions and inappropriate behaviors. I am able to see beyond to the scared, angry child in front of me. It takes conscious effort on my part but there are several tips for not losing your hope so you can continue to work with this population, whether you are an officer, a social worker or a juvenile justice professional.
The child’s story
One of the first things I was told when I started working in this field was, “If you start losing your compassion, read their background.” Their background is essentially their story. Through clinical notes, doctor’s assessments and often legal papers, you can see what a child has been through. The files that I read included horrendous physical, emotional and sexual abuse, as well as, neglect in biological families and unfortunately, many times their horror story didn’t end when the system took them in. Many continued to be abused and neglected in foster homes. Many were shipped from home to home to home never knowing how long they would be staying and when they would once again be abandoned by these adults. As time goes on, their behaviors worsen as they refuse to attach and begin to act out from the beginning because that way they can be abandoned quickly and on their terms because they know that it will eventually happen and this way they can control it. This becomes the crux of their survival-control. They hold on to whatever they can gain. A psychiatrist once said to me, “The only things you cannot make a child do are eat and poop.” Often these two functions become dysfunctional by our standards but are providing the child with the control they so desperately need to feel safe. When you seek to understand what a child has gone through, it answers many of the questions of how to best help a child. Punitive measures don’t make sense when you realize a child is behaving in ways they were taught (sexually inappropriate behavior) or ways that their brain is telling them will keep them alive (viewing the world through a survivalist lens). By not viewing a child just based on what we see but what we know lies underneath can help us interact with them successfully.
Holding space
Why was a child in our program allowed to be on the ground screaming, sobbing and disrupting the quiet fall morning? Because it’s what this child needed. Again back to control, we try to allow the children we work with the space to appropriately vent their emotions. Remember most non-traumatized children do not have the vast and fluid intense emotions that traumatized children, many with PTSD diagnosis do. The ones that have intense pain, sadness and anger inside need a safe place to express it. As long as they are not being unsafe to themselves or others, what they need is a safe environment and a supportive adult to be with them holding space while they work through their mind and body’s explosion. Their behavior is not inappropriate and although it would be viewed as socially unacceptable in many settings, we need to remember that we can help them by giving them an appropriate place, support and space.
It’s not personal
I’ve said this a million times before and I will say it a million times again mainly because I have to continue reminding myself of this. When a traumatized child curses at you, tries to bite you, attempts to smear feces on you, etc. etc. etc., it is not you as a person that they are acting out against. It can definitely feel like it when you’re faced with it day in and day out. Remember you are not the person who hurt them, but you are lumped into the group (adults) that did and also the group (adults) that were supposed to keep them safe and didn’t. You are also present right then and there. To stay healthy and sane while working with youth, you have to let things roll like water off a duck’s back. Keep your energy neutral. Remember that you are making a difference and that you do care. Even when you have to make tough decisions for them because they are not making safe choices, you do so with their best interest in mind. Those of us who work in juvenile justice are placed in a parental position over thousands of children because their parents couldn’t or wouldn’t do their job. Like a biological parent, you get tired and frustrated. You get overwhelmed. There are days you just want to run away. You want to fall in a pile on the deck and scream and sob. But you keep on keeping on leaving a countless amount of positively affected children in your wake.
Michelle Perin
Michelle Perin has been a freelance writer since 2000. In December 2010, she earned her Master’s degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice from Indiana State University.
