From the moment that beaming face states they are becoming a police officer, families worry about it. Every time there is a knock on the door during their shift, families dread it. Other wives ask how you feel about the possibility. Unfortunately, too many families face it. What happens if your loved one dies on-duty?
Although so many of us live with the fear of death always in the back of our minds, many more spouses, parents, siblings and children actually lose their officer. After the knock on the door, the funeral with honors and the condolences are over families are left with a void and the daunting task of healing. Thankfully, organizations dedicated to helping them pick up the pieces exist, including Concerns Of Police Survivors (COPS). Part of their assistance involves Hands-On programs, including retreats.
COPS offers a variety of retreats, including one for children. These programs involve a weekend get-away where strong peer support is coupled with professional counseling. "The first Hands-On was a summer camp," Suzie Sawyer, Executive Director and co-founder of COPS states. "When I was a kid, my dad was a coal miner and they would send us away each summer to coal miner's camp. We had the best summers of our lives there. We just thought if we can do that for coal miner's kids, why can't we do that for police survivors?" The retreats offer the same activities as a traditional camp, but also include grief counseling. The Parents' Retreat, Spouses' Retreat, Siblings' Retreat, Adult Children's Retreat, In-Laws' Retreat and Fiancés/Significant Others' Retreat soon joined COPS' Hands-On programs.
Sawyer raves about the impact of the retreats. "They're awesome," she exclaims. "One of the greatest things we've ever devised for healing and helping people understand that their police officer died and not them." Seasoned survivors attend to assist the new survivors in a way no other person can. A widow can relate to a widow much more closely than someone who has just been trained in peer support. A mother who has lost her son can truly empathize with another mother. "One seasoned survivor has been without someone for a longer time and they are there to help," Sawyer states. "They tell them where they were two years out and at eight years and this helps the new survivor know where she is going." Often loved ones are reluctant to attend the retreats. "When some of those people come there they get off the bus on Friday with a glazed look in their eyes wondering, what am I doing here," explains Sawyer. "On Monday, they aren't sure they want to leave."
COPS runs programs in a variety of places. The YMCA in Potosi (MO) hosts several retreats. Parents attend one at the 4H in Little Rock (AR). Outward Bound offers mountain climbing in Colorado and whitewater rafting in southeast Utah. Another retreat resides in Wisconsin. "We float around a bit," Sawyer says. The cost to the families to attend these healing weekends: Nothing. Most of the money used to come from the federal government, but in the last few years much of the funding has been cut. In addition, the shaky economy makes the future even more uncertain for COPS. Thankfully, individuals, organizations and corporations continue to step up to fund these important programs. "We are starting to get more corporate sponsors," explains Sawyer. "Streamlight has been a sponsor for a long time. Glock has for the past two years. Harley Davidson helps out. Some police motorcycle groups will go out and raise $20,000 a year. The FBI helps a lot. They believe in what we do."
With the programs in place to assist families with healing, COPS also focuses on reaching those survivors who will benefit. "One of our goals is to get brand new survivor families into the database as soon as possible," Sawyer explains. "As soon as they get in the database, they receive the newsletter." COPS also has 48 chapters nationwide "who work at the grassroots level to encourage families to get in."
The benefits of these retreats can’t be overstated. "The peer support coupled with the professional counseling brings them further than sitting on a nice comfortable chair talking to a mental health professional," says Sawyer. "You bring people a long, long ways in a short period of time." On May 14th, 2009, COPS will be celebrating its 25th Anniversary of serving the loved ones of fallen officers. "I think everyone needs to know there is one organization out there that is a unique opportunity for people to come together with people who truly understand and come away with a better idea for what the future holds for them," explains Sawyer.
Unfortunately, the fear in the back of minds of those who love a police officer often becomes reality. The grief of a sudden death coupled with the anger and emotional pain of the often violent circumstances adds to the trauma of losing a loved one. Too often, as well, once the 21-gun salute and the fly-over are done, the family is left to deal with their grief alone. COPS refuses to let that happen. Offering retreats is one way for them to encourage healing and enhance families' quality of life for the future. "It's healing, love and life renewed," Sawyer states about the programs, as well as, the theme for their Silver Anniversary. "We teach them to live again."

Michelle Perin
Michelle Perin has been a freelance writer since 2000. In December 2010, she earned her Master’s degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice from Indiana State University.