If there is one thing that places my husband and I smack dab in the middle of statistics it is we did not sit down and discuss our views on finances prior to getting married. Many couples skip this step in courtship discovery. Like many others, my husband and I already knew what the other wanted to do for a living and had an understanding of each other's plans and work ethic. What we didn't take the time to discuss was how each of us felt about money, spending habits, fiscal planning and views on saving. That oversight has caused a huge problem in our marriage. We are not alone.
Financial issues are cited as one of the number one causes of divorce in America. Of course, so is communication and often these two issues go hand in hand. Law enforcement families struggle with these same problems, but also have some unique aspects relating to them.
Officers Reward Themselves Because They Aren't Getting Rewarded at Work
According to Thomas Gillan, Director of the Central Florida Police Stress Unit, officers do not get affirmed and rewarded at work for the job they do on a daily basis. "Nobody comes up to an officer and tells them, 'what you did was heroic'," Gillan explains. Due to this, many officers reward themselves with material things. They go out and get the fancy house, the shiny new car and the big boat. Often officers tell themselves and their spouses, "I work hard. I deserve this." At one point in my life, when both my husband and I worked for the police department and felt entitled to pretty things; we had a 2,400 square-foot house in the suburbs with a private library, a sports sedan, a new King cab F150, two motorcycles and a speed boat. We were not unique among our friends in these possessions. Unfortunately, along with these items of affluence came the maintenance costs and payments.
Banks Love Officers
Officers love to ask for money and financial institutions love to give it to them. Banks often encourage overspending by being enthusiastic to loan large amounts to officers due to their stable, government occupation. Lenders recognize many agencies discourage financial irresponsibility, so officers will be less likely to renege on payments because of work-related repercussions. Officers pay is easily garnished as well.
Off-duty Opportunities Abound
A mixed blessing in law enforcement is the amount of off-duty work available. Melodie Swan wrote a fabulous article on this topic (linked below). Last year, roughly 18% of my husband's income was from working off-duty jobs. At one point, he worked two out of his three days off. For many families, this can be an opportunity, including the ability to save for a down payment on a house, pay off debt or increase savings for an anticipated purchase. Unfortunately, it often becomes a shackle caused by overspending. Not having a firm grasp on financial issues, a family budget and agreement on money views can cause a myriad of problems.
Relationship Problems
One of the first problems to arise from financial issues is ones dealing with relationships, especially with your spouse. When spending and making money become a main focus of a person's life, relationships often get neglected. Literally, money becomes more important than the relationship. Working a ton of overtime takes an officer away from his family. Even when he's home, he is tired and just wants to relax. Partners begin to feel isolated from each other. The officer feels his spouse doesn't appreciate how hard he is working to provide and his spouse feels personally neglected.
Stress Relief
Another problem occurs when an officer is using money to relieve stress. Oniomania, or more commonly referred to as shopaholism, is recognized as a compulsive need to shop. This compulsion is often driven by anger or stress. Like any excessive behavior, when buying stuff becomes a coping mechanism it is not healthy. As a person with compulsive tendencies, I often find myself feeling like I NEED to go buy something, anything, when I'm feeling stressed out. Of course, in the end, I just end up with something I don't need and another bill to add to my stress.
You can Talk it Out
Like so many issues in relationships, communication is the key to finding a satisfactory solution. Officers and their spouses must learn to express their feelings about money and discuss ways to compromise if there are differences in financial style. It is easy to fall into the rut of feeling entitled to spend what you want, as well as feeling you are being unreasonable if you object, but it's important to remember you are a couple. Marriage is a joint endeavor and decisions need to be made together so that each person is comfortable. This applies to whatever the agreement best suited to your relationship is. Just like there is diversity in people, there is diversity in couples and their financial agreements. Whatever works for you - Together - is the best thing.
Simplify your life
"You have to try and simplify your life," Gillan says. "You can make all the money in the world, but if you're dead tomorrow it won't make any different to your family." Law enforcement work already complicates everyday endeavors. Money issues should not be added to these. There are fabulous books dealing with ways to stop living in the stress-circle.
Deal with Stress in Inexpensive Ways
"You have to find something that will help you get through this job," Gillan explains. He recommends officers have a hobby outside of work. "A hobby that doesn't cost a lot of money," he explains. "Do something with your spouse, with your family. Exercise is a great hobby. It can be expensive, but you don't have to spend $10,000 on a bike. It's about going there and having fun and not costing you so much money that when you come home you owe a $10,000 credit card bill."
Money may not be the root of all evil, but it is the root of many issues within families. Like so many other issues, one or more law enforcement officers in the family can accentuate financial difficulties. Hopefully with communication and a healthy view of money, LEOs can work to live (full, fun lives) and not live (boring, unfulfilling lives) to work.
