So you’re interested in dating a 9-1-1 Dispatcher? On the whole, it’s a great idea as these women and men make wonderful partners. After all, they are fiercely loyal, can take control of most situations and have impeccable geo-navigational skills. But like most things that seem too good to be true, 9-1-1 Dispatchers should come with a warning. Here are five quirks to expect as you court your public safety telecommunications operator.
5. Command-Driven Communication
“Turn here!” “Watch out. Car backing out!” “Be here at 1900 sharp. We can’t be late.” 9-1-1 Dispatchers are used to quickly assessing a situation, making decisions and giving direction on how to best handle it with the available resources. We have limited time on the radio to say what we need to say. We speak in short sentences mostly made up of direct commands. We get used to sharing information this way at work. When we transition into a personal situation we often continue communicating the same way. We end up sounding like drill sergeants and this is generally not a good way to get to know someone and nurture a relationship. If you bring this snappy style to their attention, they will often look at you like you are the crazy one. After all, they spend most days surrounded by other people who speak the exact same way. You’ll have to find a gentle way to encourage them to rethink communication or be able to deal with it without feeling like you’re getting bossed around all the time.
4. Shift Work
Public Safety Telecommunications work is a 24/7/365 occupation. Very rarely will your new love interest work 8-5 Monday through Friday. Well, she might work 8-5 but it’s pm to am. Due to the nature of unusual shifts, the ability to get together for dinner in the evening or see a movie on a normal date-night like Friday or Saturday can be non-existent. 9-1-1 Dispatchers adjust to their schedules. Some people work graveyards their entire careers and love it. Some departments change shifts every quarter or twice a year. This can make trying to schedule a date complicated. To be successful, you have to be willing to not bat an eye when she asks if you want to get together for breakfast at 6pm.
3. Holidays are Flexible
Much like the last quirk, unusual schedules make concrete things like holidays flexible. After all, who said that Christmas or Thanksgiving HAVE to be celebrated on the exact day they fall on the calendar? When you work at a job that does not have holidays off you learn to flex your life around that job. Throw in the incredible benefit of holiday pay if you are willing to work a shift on that day and it seems like an easy fix to just pick another day, like December 16th or the third Tuesday in November and have your holiday celebration then.
2. Any Topic is Appropriate for Dinner
This is a characteristic that affects almost all first responders and 9-1-1 Dispatchers are no exception. We see and hear a lot of gruesome things. Most of us fall all over ourselves to see the pictures that the homicide detectives bring in with them. We tell stories amongst ourselves and with other first responders. There are situations we experience while on 9-1-1 calls that fall squarely into the macabre. So when you sit down with your date to a nice dinner, don’t expect that these types of stories will stay firmly locked in her mind. They don’t and often a lively descriptive narrative accompanies her polite request to pass the butter. This can be particularly prevalent if there are other first responders in the group, such as a large get-together or a dinner party. If you are invited into this realm, please expect the topics to seem a bit sarcastic and to possibly include discussion of various detached body parts or patterns of blood splatter.
1. There will be NO Talking on the Phone
One of the unintended but almost universal consequences of being a 9-1-1 Dispatcher is the incredible loathing for talking on the telephone when not at work. In fact, many operators don’t want to talk at all when they get home and it takes a special person to draw them into conversation. After all, they just spent the last 8 or 10 or 12 hours talking and being talked at. When a 9-1-1 Dispatcher is approached by a date or potential date and they ask the rather common question, “Can I call you?” don’t be shocked or offended if their face crunches up in disgust and they recoil as if from a hot flame. In their head they’re screaming, “Oh Dear Me, No. I can’t. I just can’t.” The thought of those hour long conversations with the phone tucked between your cheek and shoulder talking about everything from your childhood to what you like to watch on Saturday night while just listening to the other person’s voice may sound extremely romantic to you. In fact that dreamy-eyed phone cord twisted around your finger while draped in an overstuffed chair baring your soul to the voice on the other end is iconic when it comes to love. But to a 9-1-1 Dispatcher, most would rather be stabbed full of red hot needles then have to spend another moment on the phone. Their reaction really isn’t you. It’s them. Maybe increase your chances of them not running screaming the other way by suggesting, “Hey, can I text you sometime?” Let them get to know you that way and if things are right they will choke down the repulsion and pick up that phone.
Dating an operator can be an amazing thing. They have stable employment, have passed a background check and often a psychological screening and work in an honorable profession that helps people. Just keep in mind that these unique creatures have unique characteristics. But if they are worth it, you can figure out a way to live in their world. Good luck.
Michelle Perin
Michelle Perin has been a freelance writer since 2000. In December 2010, she earned her Master’s degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice from Indiana State University.
