9 Tropes of law enforcement entertainment that need to go away

Police work is often sobering and lately, my columns have reflected that reality. But careers in law enforcement can also have its share of funnier moments, so in view of last month’s column, I thought that this time around I’d take a lighthearted look at common media misconceptions surrounding life behind the badge.

Here, listed in no particular order, are some of the most popular ones I’ve run across. Your mileage may vary.

1) On the big and small screens, police fire their weapons so much it’s hard to see how their departments manage to budget for all of that ammo. I don’t need to tell you that not even in the worst of the worst of precincts do law enforcement officers spend their days engaging in running gun battles. I try to remember this whenever I see movie/television cops in more shootouts than The Magnificent Seven.

2) News reporters who don’t know how to use the word "alleged" crack me up when they report on crime. “The alleged perpetrator allegedly drove the car into the alleged wall and allegedly did $10,000 worth of alleged damage to the building.”

How about just saying "Smith is alleged to have driven the car into a wall, resulting in $10,000 in damages." Boom. Done. Easy, right?

3) TV show SWAT leader to entry team: "Safeties off!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Enough said.

4) Talking head commentator on TV news criticizing an officer’s actions: "The officer didn’t attempt to take the switchblade from the man. Instead, he shot him from a distance of seven feet." Tell you what Talking Head Commentator, we’ll swap roles. You'll be seven feet away from an angry/deranged individual armed with a nice, sharp knife. Go ahead. Take it away from him. And while you’re doing that I’ll talk about it at a nice safe distance.

5) Crime novel: The officer reached for a new clip and reloaded her Colt/Glock/etc. No. She has a magazine, not a clip. Clips are used to load magazines, while magazines hold the bullets that officers fire.

(Editor's note to potential novelists, these are clips. That is all.)

6) The line, "Sorry ma’am. He has to be missing for 48 hours before we can take a missing persons report." That’s changed almost universally, many times by law. Could I please have another helping of better research?

7) Novel: They shot out the tires of the fleeing vehicle. Well, there are so many things wrong with this statement that it’s almost difficult to address it, but I’ll try: 1) tires aren’t exactly easy to shoot out, especially when they’re moving, so who knows what the heck you’re going to hit and 2) because of this, many departmental SOP’s forbid the practice. But maybe Barney Fife shoots at tires.

8) Novel/movie/TV: That moment when the rookie patrol officer/detective vomits at the sight of all of that blood and gore. And the next day he gets a job at Target as a cashier. I have never seen a single officer toss his or her cookies at a crime scene. Autopsies are a little tougher for some to stomach, but crime scenes? Please, spare us the hurling officer.

9) Novel/book/movie: LEO is kidnapped and held hostage. Maybe if he/she is an idiot.

I could continue, but if anyone knows how different real life is from entertainment, it’s Officer.com readers.

Here’s hoping life offers you a laugh now and then.