There is a phenomenon called "survivors guilt" that describes the emotions survivors feel when others around them die, and they survive. There is another type of guilt that isn't expressed very often, but is very real. I call it "Should have been there guilt." Cops occasionally talk about it, but most of the time they talk around it with comments like "That lucky bastard is always in the right place at the right time." We're jealous and frustrated, even when we know that being in the right place at the right time means placing ourselves in extreme danger. Occasionally, we all have a shift where we seem to be right where we're needed, but not that often. All too often we go home with the leftover feelings of guilt and frustration because we weren't there; we could have been there; we wanted to be there, and we weren't.
Every day, there is another article in the StarTribune and another story on the local news channels about the bridge, the heroes, the victims, and the aftermath.
And every day, I wish I could have been there.