As a law enforcement officer’s wife (LEOW), I want to address the issue of collective identity, often known as the Thin Blue Line. It’s been weighing on my heart heavily lately because of a falling out with a long-time friend over a law enforcement behavioral issue. It’s had me thinking about what this term means within the police culture and more specifically within my family and relationships.
Immense Pride in Blue
I’m proud of what my husband does for a living. He goes out each duty night ready to uphold his oath to protect and serve. He deals with a variety of issues from disorderly teenagers, to lost dementia patients to violent assaults. Not everyone he interacts with appreciates his assistance, some deeply resent his very existence. When he is done for the day, he is far from off duty. Recently, we were convoying from Oregon to Arizona. He was in his truck and I was driving a moving van. On a long stretch of highway, in the early evening, I saw brake lights ahead. Cars were swerving and I soon saw why. Several large boxes were now taking up residency in the middle of the eastbound lanes. I maneuvered around the boxes and checked my rearview to make sure my husband had made it safety through. I was already mentally past the boxes and on to thoughts of where the next rest area was. When I looked in the mirror, I was horrified to see he was not also racing for the rest area, but was instead pulling over. I quickly signaled, parked on the side of the highway and watched in half terror/half annoyance as he stepped into the highway and started pulling the boxes to the side. Thankfully within a minute, the driver of the lost load went out to help as well and the boxes were quickly removed from the lanes of traffic. We could be on our way, now that his protect and serve duties were out of the way. I recognize that being an officer is more than a job, it’s a lifestyle. It could even go as far as being a character trait.
Married to the Line
As an LEOW, I embrace this unique facet of our lives. After all, I have to deal with the household disrupting consequences, such as overtime, funky training schedules and sleeping alone most nights of the week. I have the loyal LEOW shirts declaring, “He bleeds blue so I do too,” and “Fifty Shades of Blue. ”I recently did a week long online retreat put on by Proud Police Wife which was five days of video and information to help LEOWs navigate the blue world and thrive. I follow ammo + grace and I own most books written by or for LEOWs.
But at the same time, as a first responder mental health researcher, I know that collective identity can go too far and start creating negative consequences. When loyalty to a group, any group, decreases a person’s ability to critically think, the “us” versus “them” issue emerges. And in law enforcement, unfortunately “them” is often deemed a threat and therefore the enemy. Research has shown that people who identify first with a group and second as an individual can be convinced to do very bad things. My research into 911 Dispatch stress shows an over-identification with their public safety identity leads to loss of relationships, cynicism and isolation.
Law enforcement is a noble profession. Many good men and women work in this profession. Those are statements I can put my loyalty behind one hundred percent. It’s when someone becomes only a LEO or only a LEOW that red flags should go up. I support the Thin Blue Line. At the same time, I will also call out those who tarnish that line, make the divide between law enforcement and the community wider or who by their actions increase my husband’s risk just because of the uniform he wears. We should all do this. Every one of us that takes pride in this line should want to keep it clean and respectful. Having a healthy collective identity is one of the things that makes being part of the first responder family so wonderful; much like a warm scarf on a cold day. It’s only when it gets bigger than our individual identity that collective identity becomes a noose. We need to be aware and chose our loyalty wisely.
