Move Over Santa

Karen Bune
Victimology Contributor
Officer.com

Poor Santa, also known as Michael Graham, is crying the blues over being dumped as the Santa at Tysons Center Mall in Fairfax, Virginia after his 18-year stint earning $175.00 an hour. Consequently, he has now hired an attorney and a public relations firm to try to get reinstated in his job. For those of us, like myself, who are employees and public servants of neighboring Prince George’s County, Maryland and who are being furloughed 80 hours from our jobs with no pay, it’s hard for me to develop pathos for Santa’s plight at such a lucrative rate particularly when he is gainfully employed in his other job as a carpenter in Tennessee. On the other hand, if the money is that good for an hourly rate, it inspires me to transform myself into Santa, jump in my car, and steer it in the direction of Tysons Corner to play a new role on my furlough days. After all, versatility and the ability to multi-task is the name of the game these days so why not take on the challenge of being a local Santa for such a superb amount of hourly supplemental income? As a female Santa with long legs - that I’m often told by men are sexy - I would be adorned in my Santa garb and could easily handle any adult men who might see through my clandestine disguise and who might try to sit on my lap to whisper in my ear and tell me their wants—the likes of what I probably would not want to hear from strangers. A contemplative thought, though, leaves me doubting that even strippers could make that much money for a provocative but short order lap dance so I could hold my own and roll with the punches in my new role as Miss Santa. Isn’t life tough?!