Frank Borelli
Editor-in-Chief
Officer.com
I'll never forget the scene in
Men In Black when Tommy Lee Jones tells Will Smith that they'd better check the news and he promptly starts looking at the "tabloids". Will Smith's character is understandably confused as he asks about it and Tommy Lee Jones replies, "Best investigative reporting on the planet." Hmmm... As I was standing in line at the grocery store the other day, one of these tabloids caught my eye with its declaration that the world will end on September 11th,
2008!
Now, I'm not one to pick up such stuff but that had even me curious. Plus it had a picture of a dragon on the cover with a title that implied such a beast was flying all over the mid-west providing a warning (or drawing disaster) to the towns that were about to be flooded. The third item on the cover of this tool of awesome investigative reporting was about the discovery of the mummies of Adam & Eve being found "perfectly preserved". It just kept getting better. I HAD to check it out. So, with my 10-year-old son laughing at me, I bought one.
As I opened the first page I was greeted by an article about alien life. It included "proof" that "we are not alone"; it reported on an "alien interrogation" we humans have performed and video-taped (of course); it described how the Phoenix lander found life on Mars; and finally - this is the real big one - it talked about an extra-terrestrial being that was caught on camera as a peeping tom!
A few more pages in there is an article about the "world's oldest Christian Church" which the article claims dates back to 33 A.D. Ah, I'm not a historical expert, but even I know that, although Jesus Christ may have heralded the beginning of it, Christianity wasn't in any shape to have churches until several hundred years later. What's more, this "church" is a cave under another church.
It keeps getting better: Shakespeare's grave is cursed; Reese Witherspoon spends three hours organizing her sock drawer; Africa is home to trees that eat humans; dinosaur DNA can cure depression; genetically altered beer can cure a disease. And lest we forget, Judgment Day is coming September 11th, 2008! Now when someone tells me I have less than two months to live, I figure I ought to pay attention. Ya' think?
According to two scholars in Jerusalem (according to the article), a section of the Dead Sea Scrolls reads:
"On the 11th day of the 9th month of the year 2008, your fate will be sealed by the hand of God. He will pass judgment on you and you will not know it." Okay - so there is mixed news. The bad news is that we all will be judged on 9/11 (and that's no coincidence?), but the good news is that we'll be completely oblivious to it. Did whoever wrote the Dead Sea Scrolls even use our same calendar?
Folks, while I could easily believe that a group of terrorists would attack various places around the world on the anniversary of the 9-11 attacks in the U.S., I'm not sure I am prepared to believe that God is simply going to wipe out the planet; direct our souls to heaven or hell; and we won't know what's going on until we become suddenly aware of our surroundings.
What I find it far easier to believe, and this may be simply because I'm too mentally fragile to accept the truth, is that this "news" really isn't. I find it incredibly hard to believe that the mummies of Adam & Eve were found buried in the Iraqi desert and are "perfectly preserved"
with full heads of hair without apparent benefit of burial preparation or other pre-internment care.
What I DO enjoy about such tabloids is the entertainment value. Who would think some of these things?
For the love of goodness, if we at Officer.com ever start publishing such stuff, someone email me and tell me to get things straight!
So, fess up... how many of you have enjoyed such tabloids?
