Through the Eyes of a Police Wife

Dec. 24, 2014
After the riots and looting were over, the energy remained. The very out-spoken minority spread a wide blanket over everyone who wears a uniform. Then, those on the thin blue line began to speak out too. Finally, those who love them began to speak.

If you think the backlash due to the Michael Brown shooting in Ferguson (MO) began and ended at the grand jury’s announcement of “No Indictment”, you’d be gravely wrong. The ridiculous and criminal rioting and looting may have only lasted for an evening, but the fall-out and the polarization this situation has caused continues to permeate television, radio and newspapers, as well as, dominate discussions on social media and in person. At first it seemed like the only stories being told were from those who saw the police as the enemy. Those citizens who viewed every officer as corrupt, biased and violent were very out-spoken. Then suddenly, underneath, the voices of those who love someone who wears a uniform began to speak. Quietly at first, but louder and louder as they joined with each other they began to shout, “Hey, this person you are bashing and threatening is my husband, wife, mother, father, sister or brother. This is the father or mother of my children. He has hopes and dreams. He plays golf. She goes to the gym. He is fair and just” As I read these voices, I swelled with pride to be part of the support behind the thin blue line. I wanted to add my voice to the mix and remind those who are polarizing our communities of a few things. 

The blame needs to be on the appropriate system

So much anger has been directed toward law enforcement. Is that really where it belongs? It’s easy (and heart-breaking) to see what is at the root of the anger: poverty, inadequate educational facilities, lack of employment opportunities, bad food. But, officers are not to blame for, nor should they be responsible for solving these social ills. They are law enforcement officers, paid to enforce the laws of society, not fix economic and social injustices generations in the making. Here are the systems most to blame and where solutions can be focused.

Social Services

Officers no longer work in an occupation of law enforcement only. They are now counselors, social workers, mentors, parents, family advocates, school administration staff, child welfare and mental health professionals. In the last thirty years and highly influenced by deinstitutionalization and budget cuts, officers are picking up the slack when it comes to meeting the social service needs of the community. They are having to learn to talk down a traumatized veteran in the midst of a PTSD-induced hallucination, calm an autistic child barricaded in a classroom and balance choices based on the threatening behavior of a schizophrenic. Knowing and enforcing the law as enacted by legislature is secondary. When citizens start insisting social services be funded and in place, officers will be free to perform the duties they are designed to do.

Federal, state and local government’s stripping community oriented policing

One of the most profound things an interviewee ever said to me came from an officer in Madison (WI). When asked if they participated in community-based policing, he told me, “We are the community.” And he’s right. At the root, being a police officer is an occupation participated in by members of the community. I agree it is a calling and that it has a deeply ingrained culture that comes with it, but essentially it is a job done by a person. When budgets are tight, some of the first programs cut are those unifying programs that remind both the officers and other members of the community of this fact. Community oriented policing, such as walking a beat or participating in neighborhood watch all fall to the way-side leaving both sides feeling as if there is a giant barrier between them. As if the uniform somehow makes the officer not part of the normal struggles of life and the area he or she lives in. As a family member, I can tell you that officers have the same struggles as everyone else. They have the same wants for themselves and their families: safe and crime-free homes and neighborhoods, good schools, friendly, altruistic neighbors. When programs are cut that are designed to shed light on the humanity of officers, the uniform soon outshines the human.

Condemning the whole profession for the crimes of the few

It’s simple: the minority on both sides is causing the majority of the fear, hatred and polarization. Citizens are condemning the whole profession for the crimes of the few. In my experience with law enforcement, I have known or heard about very few officers who fit the stereotype of those that citizens are casting inside every uniform. They are out there. Just as bad apples exist in every profession. These people should be held accountable for their actions and they should never be justified. On the other hand, most citizens, regardless of race, ethnicity, gender or economic status are good, law-abiding citizens. There are a few who choose to break the law and put society at risk. Just like with officers, these people should be held accountable for their actions and they should never be justified. Community members, regardless of occupations should stand behind their good cops and their good citizens and hold all others as what they are: exceptions to the norm. 

Understand we will stand by our family

Finally, everyone should understand that as long as our officers, those we love are being threatened just by virtue of the job they perform, we will stand by them. We will have rallies in support. We will write letters and articles. We will defend them to the best of our abilities. Hopefully, the majority on both sides will be able to brush aside the extremists who want our communities to crumble and we can all stand behind those who are trying to make the world a better place so they can do their job. If I or my children are in danger, I DO NOT want my officer to pause to second guess the political backlash of his or her decision. I want him to act and I want our community to stand behind him.

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