The second section is vital attributes which are based on learning experience and are likely to change due to life events and decisions you make as an adult. This section is broken up into three sections: Relationship Skills (communication style, emotion management and conflict resolution), Values and Beliefs (spirituality, family goals, traditionalism, ambition and altruism) and Key Experiences (family background, family status and education). Essentially, core traits are static but vital attributes can be adjusted. So as you get to know someone, you have to ask questions that determine who your date is in each of these sections. I would go a step further. I would ask yourself these questions, so you know who you are before you try to figure out who you’re dating and what you want from them. I found some resources and compiled some questions to get started:
Do you think that physical attributes are more important to maintaining a relationship or do you think that friendship maintains a relationship?
What is the first thing you notice when you look at a man/woman?
Are there any causes you strongly believe in?
Tell me how you describe me to other people.
Are you a member of any societies or associations?
How often do you believe it is normal to want sex?
Are you a people’s person or do you prefer your own company?
What were you thinking about right before you kissed me for the first time?
Describe your parents’ marriage. What was the best part and the worst part in your opinion?
Do you believe in life after death?
Who was the first person who died in your life and how did you feel?
Do you believe in marriage? Why or why not?
Do you consider yourself a neat or messy person?
What animals do you like or not like?
Have you ever been on the wrong side of the law?
Can you tell me what makes up your belief system?
If you had only one day to live, what would you do?
How long are you on the internet every day?
Do you believe in God?
What would you do if your best friend disapproved of me?
How important do you think monogamy is to a relationship?
What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
If you gave money to charity, which ones would you choose and why?
What’s your earliest childhood memory?
When was the last time you really laughed?
What is the one thing that would be a relationship breaker for you?
Which has been your longest romantic relationship, so far?
Which personality traits do you want your partner to have? Which of these are an absolute must?
These questions are a good start to get to know your partner and also to help erase some of the awkward silence that can happen in the beginning of a relationship (thank goodness as you get comfortable with a good person these silences become nice). The best thing about these questions is they can establish a relationship built on communication. There should never be a topic you cannot discuss with your partner in a healthy relationship. Some might be uncomfortable but being able to trust each other enough to talk about anything is essential. And, all good long-term relationships began with dating.
About The Author:
Michelle Perin has been a freelance writer since 2000. Her credits include Law Enforcement Technology, Police, Law and Order, Police Times, Beyond the Badge, Michigan State Trooper, Michigan Snowmobiler Magazine and Chief of Police. She writes two columns a month for Officer.com. Michelle worked for the Phoenix (AZ) Police Department for almost eight years. In December 2010, she earned her Master’s degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice from Indiana State University. Currently, Michelle works as the Administrative Coordinator at Jasper Mountain a residential psychiatric facility for children. In her spare time, she enjoys being the fundraising coordinator for the Lane Area Ferret Shelter & Rescue, playing her bass, working on her young adult novel Desert Ice and raising her two sons in a small town in Oregon.