Okay, just kidding… sorry about the junior high English flashback! Anyway, the word love is a verb; an action word. Something you do. Now, that is not to say that the feelings of love - the emotions you experience – are not legitimate or real. They are. But what happens is the boredom, routine, irritations, accumulated hurts, etc begin to wear on you and displace those love feelings you had for your partner. As they do, you begin withdrawing the actions of love; all those things you used to do that made them feel special to you and gave you satisfaction merely from doing them. Your partner, in turn, often does the same and you both settle into different, more self-absorbed, routines until neither of you love (that is, commit to doing the behaviors of love) each other anymore. Add the stresses of work, raising kids, family obligations, and trying to keep a social life going and is it any wonder couples start to feel estranged living under the same roof?
The bad news is how common drifting apart really is. The good news is how easy it can be for motivated couples to overcome! If you can wrap your head around the idea of loving each other as a behavior, the rest is simply taking a strategic response to defeat it. In our next article we build upon this one, with deference to the unique issues being a police couple can impose, by outlining our easy – fun even - strategic response.
About the Authors:
Althea Olson, LCSW has been in private practice in the Chicago suburbs since 1996. She has a Master of Social Work degree from Aurora University providing individual, couple, & group therapy to adolescents, adults, and geriatrics. Althea is also trained in Critical Incident Stress Management & is a certified divorce mediator.
Mike Wasilewski, MSW has been with a large suburban Chicago department since 1996. He holds a Master of Social Work degree from Aurora University and has served on his department’s Crisis Intervention & Domestic Violence teams. Mike is an adjunct instructor at Northwestern College.
Mike & Althea have been married since 1994 and have been featured columnists for Officer.Com since 2007. Their articles are extremely popular and they now provide the same training and information in person throughout the United States. This dynamic team was recently featured at the at the 2010 & 2011 ILEETA Conference & Exposition.
Out of their success has come the formation of More Than A Cop where the focus is providing consultation and trainings on Survival Skills Beyond The Street.