You're A Cop, Dating. Now What?

In the first three to six months of a relationship know how to evaluate whether you have a chance to survive or are the signs there saying it is time to break up.


A common mistake many first responders make is dating and then marrying the person who needs to be rescued. They come to you already broken and you feel needed by helping to put this person back together. If you are dating this person, leave now. You cannot fix this person and they will always be needy, dependent, and clingy. They will also begin to resent you when you are not able to take care of their perceived emotional needs or crisis they have created.

Also it is not healthy if you feel you are always chasing after someone because they are too independent of you. Are they returning you phone call, text messages, and emails or do their Facebook friends know more about them? Do you feel you need to interrogate them to find out about their day or are they excited to share with you funny anecdotes about their coworkers? If you feel this person has a life they do not want to include you in and you've talked to them a couple of times about what you need, but are still met with resistance, get the clue that you are more into them than they are into you. Break it off and move on.

The goal of a healthy functional relationship is interdependence where two people can have separate interests and hobbies, yet when they come together their life fits together. It's a balance between dependent and independent that encourages each person to achieve their goals in life while including the other person.

Eeyore factor

Simply put, the person you are dating, are they positive or negative? Do they find solutions to life’s challenges or do they see the world as holding them back? Do they see hope or despair? Do they talk about people's good points or focus on other's faults? Negative people are victims to life circumstances and over time will blame you for what is wrong in their life instead of seeing what they need to do to take charge of their fate. Being in a long term relationship with an Eeyore will be days filled with pouring rain even when the sun is shining bright. If you sense at this stage your dating partner is an Eeyore, it is best to break up.

Dating is challenging and fun, however, too many people are try to force a relationship to work instead of calling it what it is, irreconcilable differences. When you find yourself in this place, it is best to move forward. Recognize it is not anyone's fault, but just two people who were not meant to spend a lifetime together. That is why we call the person you are supposed to spend a lifetime with the one.



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