Feel Like Messing Around?

Lack of sex, boredom and long hours of intimacy with others can all lead to the brink of infidelity. By doing a few simple things, many police marriages can become affair-proof.


  • Prioritize Your Marriage
    We take each other for granted too often. Unfortunately, that comfortable feeling we get in our homes often becomes the basis for complacency and not truly seeing the marriage as something that is living and breathing. Work, kids and hobbies often dominate our time and we forget we have to nurture the foundation of our lives: our marriage.

  • Avoid Temptation
    Temptation is everywhere. The most common place to find it is at work. This is especially true in law enforcement. Officers need to be careful of the intimacy they share with their partners, especially if they are of the opposite gender. Also, the existence of police groupies, or badge bunnies, can complicate matters. These temptations often start out as emotional connections. As a police spouse, you also face temptations. Due to the unusual and often extended hours an officer works, a partner may find her/himself left alone quite a bit. He/she should be careful of filling this void with the company of another. Northrup advises, "If you are sharing intimate emotional closeness with someone of the opposite sex other than your spouse in any arena, stop!"

  • Know your Boundaries
    It doesn't seem realistic in this profession to say a person can never be close to a member of the other gender. With more women joining the force, co-ed partners are to be expected. With many families being dual-income families, both spouses spend a lot of time around opposite gender co-workers. Awareness of boundaries is important here. As a couple, you should determine guidelines for what is acceptable behavior. Talking about what is appropriate before it becomes an issue is a lot better than trying to figure out the miscommunication after someone gets hurt.

  • Learn Conflict Resolution Skills
    Knowing how to deal with stress in a marriage is one of the most important factors to preventing infidelity. In a police marriage stress is a fact of life. Knowing how to talk to each other (here's that communication piece again) can help diffuse conflicts. Also, talking assists in compromise. Handling issues as they come up prevents resentment from building up and resentment is always a negative thing. Unresolved resentment puts up walls and tears marriages apart. Seek outside help if you find you can't work out a resolution.

  • Rekindle Romance
    Satisfied partners hardly ever wander. When someone strays, one of the first things many people ask is what they weren't getting at home. Even the offended spouse often wonders what they weren't providing that their spouse sought elsewhere. Northrup recommends creating a plan for romance in your relationship. She suggests each partner focus on being romantic and wooing the other, being sensitive to your partner's rhythms, needs and wishes and being imaginative and creative. If you need help there are many great books you can use for research on keeping your marriage as alive and fresh as the day you met.

Infidelity seems to be everywhere. In police circles, it may or may not be more prevalent than in the general public. Regardless, it is perceived to be a huge problem. A lot of the factors that make law enforcement a tough occupation make it tough on families. Spouses often feel abandoned, alone and resentful. I know I did. It is also easy for that time in the patrol car sharing stories to become an emotional bond. Choir practice can invite temptation into an officer's life. Visits from a family friend can turn into something inappropriate. Fortunately, by being aware of the factors that contribute to straying, couples can strengthen their marriage and their commitment to each other. Watch out for temptation and keep your relationship number one. Not every officer has to fall into the stereotype of the macho, cheating jerk. Not every shift-widow has to slink into the arms of the pool boy. Focusing on the person you chose to marry, setting guidelines and communication can make for many years of happiness coming home to the same open arms you've come to know and love.



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