Women want to be married to a man, not another kid. They want someone who shares in the day-to-day responsibility of life, the home, chores, the kids, finances, and everything else having a life entwined entails. Woman want to know they can count on their man to pick up the slack where needed, have a partner who will help make decisions, and want to be with someone they do not have to nag. They did not get married to care for a grown adult, but to have a partner who will share in and be a part of their lives.
Studies have shown the best relationships are those that value and practice equality. Equality goes hand-in-hand with partnership, but requires even more effort. Equality means viewing each other as equal partners, not one dominant over the other, and seeing that the contributions of each are equally valued in the relationship.
This can be difficult in a police marriage, where one of the partners may have a domineering and highly assertive personality which makes for an excellent cop, but sometimes a difficult spouse! That needs to take a backseat when the workday is done. When a marriage devalues equality a competitive spirit takes hold where one spouse it trying to trump the other. This dynamic, if not broken, leads to frustration and anger. Let go of the competition and value each other's strengths. It takes work, but the reward is worth it for your woman.
Women have soft skin that men love to touch. Just like our skin, our hearts are soft too. Women can be crushed very easily by a harsh word or look, cruel teasing, or a sharp voice tone. We hear too often how we do not measure up. All we have to do is open a magazine, turn on the TV, or go to the make-up counter in a retail store.
Often what I witness in cop marriages is a stream of critical words directed at each other, telling each other where they fall short or fail. If a woman is hearing negative words her heart becomes hard instead of soft. Women do not need to hear from their man negative comments about who she is, what she does, or how she looks. When a woman hears this repetitively, her self-doubt and low self-esteem will keep herself from giving to her man freely. Women need their men to tell them on a regular basis what they do well. As stated before in our article Cops In Marriage Counseling: If you do not have anything nice to say, then do not say anything at all.
This is not to say you can never give criticism. Criticism, given with love and delivered kindly, is a gift. Critiquing one another in order to force them into the mold you want is theft; it steals their self-esteem.
So here are a few tips of what women want from their man. If you want to know more, we encourage you to ask the woman in your life. It is a conversation that needs to be had often so the relationship stays intact.