It’s not what you take…
Frank Borelli
Editor-in-Chief
Officer.com
“It’s not what you take when you leave this world behind you; it’s what you leave behind you when you go.” - Randy Travis
Call me corny but I’m a country music fan for the lessons that can be learned from many of the songs’ lyrics. Since 9-11 Toby Keith has written a number of patriotic songs I really enjoy. Songs that contain small lessons about life have been put out by Montgomery Gentry, Tim McGraw, Faith Hill and others. For some reason, this music appeals to me more than the classic rock I grew up with - even though that’s still fun too.
Awhile back, in a different forum, I wrote an article about integrity and the value of it. Oddly enough for me, I was at a loss to articulate exactly what I meant about defending one’s integrity. A lesson I’ve learned in life is that the defense usually happens long before your integrity is questioned - but that’s only half the battle.
None of us is perfect. I certainly am not. I’m good at some things and not so good at others. I talk a lot. I type about just as much. One of my greatest weaknesses is that there isn’t much filter between my brain and my mouth (or my typing fingers). This has caught me both criticism and praise depending on what I produced and what the results were.
There is never a shortage of people ready to stand and criticize you for something you do that they don’t agree with. Jesus said, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone,” but that lesson was lost somewhere. Lots of people who aren’t perfect are quick to “stone” folks who aren’t perfect. Is there a hypocrisy in there somewhere?
Ironically, in my own life, the things I have done wrong don’t seem to garner much attention. What haunts me most are the things that I never did but have been accused of. As a police officer I always think about “the facts of the case” and whether or not enough evidence exists to prove a violation “beyond a reasonable doubt.” The problem with that standard - or should I say the challenge with it - is that it’s entirely subjective and everyone’s level of reasonable doubt is different. Moreover, since it’s just talk and nothing ever has to be proven, it’s easy for folks to say negative things, giggle at the damage they may cause, take great delight in any grief they create for you (for whatever reason) and then walk away. They can make all kinds of allegations and never have to prove them - but the price paid if anyone believes them is a piece of your integrity.
But let me bring this back around… when I find myself experiencing challenging times where someone is passing along some negative statement about me and I find my blood pressure rising, those country songs I enjoy help me out. They remind me (if I listen to the right ones) that I am who I am and I can be proud of my accomplishments. They remind me that there is plenty of negativity in the world for a host of reasons but that I shouldn’t let the negativity of others bring me down.
When my two oldest children went into military service I gave them three simple rules to remember and I found myself having to remember those rules lately:
- Just don’t quit - no one in the world can make me quit except the guy in the mirror.
- You don’t have to like it; you just have to do it - One of life’s most difficult lessons to learn.
- Ignore the distractions; focus on the mission - distractions include such things as fatigue, hunger, loneliness, and people who say bad things about you, especially when they can’t substantiate it in any way. Ignore the distractions; focus on the mission.
So as I sit typing on this beautiful spring morning (50 degrees and sunny here at about 8 a.m.) I enjoy listening to my country music; listening to the lessons I should heed; and ponder the blessings of my life. I think about what differences I’ve made in the world I live in and whether or not those changes have been overall positive or negative. “…it’s what you leave behind you when you go.”
What drove me to write this blog is this question: What helps you out when you’re feeling challenged in your day to day grind?
All comments appreciated.
Stay safe!
Good post brother–it has always been the case that you, and only you, are responsible for what happens in your life. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. The ultimate arbiter is the Creator–that’s where I go when the going gets tough. Keep up the good work Frank (and get some sleep).
Good topic!
We all have a soundtrack of music or speeches or words which remind us of The Mission. I will be interested in the responses. Many people have shoved words or words and music together better than I.
One can do no better than what his best is, and we all trip and fall occasionally. The work we do is a calling.
As a young officer, frustrated by a clueless but second guessing public and equally cluseless (but fortunately long gone) department administration I took heart in the words of Theodore Roosevelt:
“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”
Of course there is the Biblical quotation from Proverbs found on the National Law Enforcment Officer’s Memorial: “The wicked flee where no man pursueth; but the righteous are as bold as a lion”
There are other quotes and bits of song, such as a verse from the “Battle Hymn of the Republic” which refers to Jesus and says “As he died to make men holy, let us fight to make men free” (Some variations are ‘…let us die to make men free”. I like this one)
A little less highh minded, perhaps, but who has listened to “Whiskey for my men, beer for my horses” and NOT thought about the job??
“What helps you out when you’re feeling challenged in your day to day grind?”
Definitely not sappy overbearing country music, lol. For me it is my son. Just playing with him, talking to him, watching him smile, or sleep, or play by himself and just discover something completely new in the world is how I make it through every day. Sometimes it is just a memory of one of the things mentioned above that makes me smile … and ultimately able to get through another minute of another day in the endlessly depressing world we currently live in…
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Political Disgust
I take comfort in my country music also though it is the older stuff I enjoy more like Dan Seals, Conway Twitty etc.
partner, funny that i read this on this date, because earlier upon my 10-41 i backed a former soup, on a TS we got to talking, and i brought up the way he would treat me when i was assigned to his prcnt. im a verrry proactive cop, and stil have rookie fever when it comes to being proactive. im all about interdiction, but believe in keeping my own back yard clean. weel we spoke on this subject, he reminded me of his 30 yrs LE exp, and went on to say that we as cops should be like a running river, and go with the flow, and not be a fish fighting the currents. i took this as TURN YOUR BACK, AND LET IT BE…When he was my soup thats exactly what he would say when a local would pass by, waving as if he was untouchable. I hope yall understand what im trying to say. FEAR NONE-CHALLENGE ALL
John Mellencamp said in one of his songs, “An honest man’s pillow is his peace of mind.”
Don’t worry about what anyone thinks…only you have to worry about yourself. Everyone can say this and that. Integrity is something not everyone on this job has. AS long as you try to be the best person you can be is what matters, not what someone else thinks. Most cops in my experience are bull$%!!*$ and only talk a big game because they have’nt done anthing in their careers but talk a big game. You are responsible for you and no one else and the only reason you get upset is because you expect (rightfully so)things to be done the right way and people to do their job and be held accountable. Good article and good luck and be safe.
The one thing above all else that keeps me on the straight and narrow is friends and family. When times are trying I think about what I would do if the people I cared about where watching. Then I act accordingly. People who matter will know your moral character, those who believe gossip will continue to do so. You have written a good article.