Who Do You Trust?

Frank Borelli
Editor-in-Chief
Officer.com

When I was in junior high school I had friends that I was sure would be in my life FOREVER... and none of them are. In high school I knew guys and had friends that I was sure would be in my life FOREVER... but none are. When I was in the Army I made friends I was sure would last FOREVER... but none have. When I was in the police academy I made friends I was sure would last at least through my career... but I haven't talked to any of them in years. The beliefs that I held about those friendships in those time frames have proven to be incorrect. The same observation can be made about people you trust: there are those you're sure you'll always be able to trust with everything... but sometimes things change. Lessons in trust are hard ones to learn and can be devestating to every facet of your life. Why do I bring this up? Because it's very important in our line of work. Knowing who you can trust - in the general public as well as many other organizations - is vital to how you perform your job. A minimum level of trust is required between you as a police officer or deputy, your entire Chain of Command, the State's Attorney's office (or whatever they call the prosecutor where you work) and others. Because trust is entirely personal, it can never be simply given, but has to be earned. That also means that it can never be based on "he said / she said" type of comments. Sure, someone you already trust can put in a good word about someone you're just building a relationship with, but ultimately the decision about who YOU trust lies with YOU. It's just like respect. Problems tend to arise when you find yourself between two people whom you trust - and they're telling you different things. When trusted friend #1 says something that contradicts what trusted friend #2 has said you're often put in the uncomfortable position of then not being able to trust EITHER of them until the issue is sorted out. Sometimes the issue is just a simple misunderstanding and everyone goes on about their happy life. Sometimes the issue is that one of those people you trust is lying to you. What then? How are you supposed to react when someone you trust is discovered in a lie? Especially one for which you can see no good reason? I mean, we're not talking about the kind of white lie you tell your mother when she asks if she looks fat in a new dress... we're talking about a lie someone tells about someone else with the specific intention of hurting credibility or reputation. Sometimes we try to ignore such events. They are, after all, hard to deal with, and no matter how things turn out, at a bare minimum trust has been destroyed; potentially a friendship or strong working relationship has been as well. That's never an enjoyable thing... but I submit to you that it IS a good thing. Why? Because I'd rather KNOW I can't trust someone then go along my merry way happily believing that I CAN trust them. So, don't shirk away from the hard decision. Don't deny obvious information that makes you rethink the trust you've put in someone. Let the facts as they are discovered speak for themself. What are your thoughts on the issue of trust? Have any of you had to deal with the loss or gain of a trusted friend? work mate? supervisor? No names... but share your thoughts. STAY SAFE!!