I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend; You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in… - From “Jumper” by Third Eye Blind
The untimely loss of brother and sister officers is an all-too-common occurrence in the law enforcement profession, and one most of us are acutely aware of as more and more we are dialed into social media and other forms the unending news loop that now touches all aspects of life. Like political junkies with their Fox News/MSNBC/CNN addictions, or followers of all-things-Hollywood who keep the tabloids in business and paparazzi employed, when an officer falls the rest of the profession soon knows. This isn’t a bad thing; ours is a tight fraternity and awareness – even of the tragic and sad – shines light on what we need to know and remember, and serves as a reminder of our own mortality.
Sometimes the loss is not in the line of duty – not directly, anyway, though job stress may play a leading role – and the destruction of life and/or career is self-inflicted. We read and hear of officers taking their own lives, driven by depression and a sense of all-consuming emptiness. Most of us who’ve been around policing long enough personally know someone whose tolerance for despair ran out. Even more know someone whose loss came not through suicide, or even death, but in the dismantling of all they held dear. We can point to someone enslaved by drinking or drugs, struggling for years to get and stay clean but, in the end, failing. The final straw comes and a career ends, driving another from the profession. Everyone knows that cop in the department, often skilled and hard-working but also Id and anger driven, whose liabilities outweigh any benefit of keeping him around, or chaotic colleague who more than flirts with crossing the line between cop and criminal until she’s inevitably caught, shaming herself, her family, the profession, and all the honest cops whose reputations are a little tainted by association.
A common criticism of law enforcement is that it too often “eats its own,” preying on weakness or mistakes, shunning officers whose wounds are emotional rather than physical, or placing political expediency over compassion. While this has been historically true, and unfortunately still is in some departments, we do believe the culture is changing. Greater awareness and education, a new generation of officers whose impulse may be to ask for help rather than hide their pain (and leaders who will listen), the gradual extinction of the dinosaurs who’ve kept the old school way of doing things open, and voices in law enforcement media are driving change. Agencies are recognizing the need to help troubled cops, and their fellow officers more likely and eager to get behind a colleague in need.
But even with the greater awareness and resources to help, too many cops will continue to spin out. More will still likely die by their own hand than be killed either by an assailant or accidently in the line of duty. We’ll still watch colleagues, driven by addiction, desperation, or God-only-knows-what lose sight of their ethics or slip into criminality, get caught, and dishonor themselves and embarrass the profession and all who serve honorably. And others, well-intentioned but propelled by dark and inscrutable forces, will shatter home lives, relationships, and careers only to look back on the wreckage with confusion and pain.
And for most, it won’t be because help wasn’t available. Friends and coworkers will look on in shock, family in grief, and bosses in frustration that nothing was said and resources untouched.
This article is not a call for others to step up and be available to; most LEOs are more than ready and willing to respond to an “officer in trouble” call, whether on the clock or off.
This article is a plea to those who need help to go get it.
If you are struggling with addiction, get help. If your personal or professional life is crumbling around you, get help. If dark drives are compelling you to betray yourself and all you stand for, get help. And if annihilation holds greater appeal than living, get help now.
Just get help.
Willpower alone is nothing in the face of self-destructive compulsion, and that is what drives so many cops to throw everything away against all common sense. If you find yourself on the abyss, pulled by demons you cannot resist and will likely take everything, you need to step back from the cliff. Help is there for the taking but requires something from you first:
Let go of your ego
A lot of us, and especially a lot of cops, hold tightly to the myth of “I can do it myself” in the face of overwhelming odds. Worse, we deny our problems, our weaknesses, our fears, and even our humanity. Letting go of ego, especially working in a profession that demands a remarkably strong one, is the first requirement. It is also too much for too many.
Not just admitting weakness but owning it is critical. Admitting an addiction is one of the most powerful steps toward overcoming it. Being able to accept what you are not good at, and acknowledging your limits to others, is necessary for self-improvement. Openly labeling any diagnosis you may have been given or will get – whether it is a depressive or bipolar disorder, anxiety, a physical limitation – is no more shameful than letting others know you’re diabetic or have asthma. They are explanations rather than excuses, though, and owning weaknesses, deficits, or disorders places additional responsibility on your shoulders. Handled right, this only leads to growth.
Ask for help
It takes courage to admit to another person you are helpless in your current situation, or that you feel out of control, in chaos, and like you are drowning. There is no shame in stating you cannot do it alone. You know this because you’ve made your career around serving and protecting others. Continue to honor the profession and your sisters and brothers by letting them serve and protect you. Seek out a police chaplain, a trusted friend, a supervisor, or access your insurance benefits for a confidential meeting with a professional licensed counselor. There are people who want to help you.
Be vulnerable
Let down your guards and take off the emotional Kevlar vest. You don’t need those who truly care about you. Be honest with where you are and able to reveal your failings. It may happen that you first trust the wrong person who shames or judges you, but that is on them, not you. Keep trying until you find those people who are for you and not against you. Continue to have the courage to seek out the assistance you need and remember, everybody carries their own failings, fears, shame, and hurt. .
Trust others with your safety
At first everyone’s advice and concern may seem extreme or drastic because it goes against the lifestyle you have been living or, if you are depressed, seems like too much work as each day seems draining and worthless. But trust those around you. Believe they have your best interest at heart. It takes time, patience, and endurance to chase away demons that have been plaguing you. Trust in the process and the journey.
We recently had a friend who died who many tried to help. He rejected many attempts from very persistent friends and coworkers. No one judged him and all had compassion. We are all left with a helpless feeling knowing the shame he felt drove him to not choose us. So if you are living with demons, and feel isolated and alone, know that there are those who are your friends, who want to help, so please seek us out.
Everyone's got to face down the demons; Maybe today, we can put the past away… - From “Jumper” by Third Eye Blind