There's no Manual for this!

One of the cool things about having worked for the police department and been a police spouse is the ability to correlate them. Both have unique issues and take special care to manage. I've helped develop policy and procedures within a large metropolitan agency which required quite a bit of research into the latest best practices. I have an undergraduate degree in justice and am two classes shy of a master's in criminology and criminal justice with an emphasis on law enforcement. I know some people don't believe education holds a lot of credence on the street, but it did help me understand quite a bit of the paperwork side of law enforcement. I have also studied those who specialize in police relationship matters, including my personal favorites Dr. Ellen Kirschman (I Love a Cop) and Vali Stone (Cops Don't Cry). The merging of these got me thinking one day: What if the model for good police management could be used to strengthen a police relationship? With a little research, I found the correlation interesting and enlightening.

Most best practices for running a department include topics, such as training, technology, team-work, ethics, community relations and communication. How would these items look applied to a relationship, especially one in which one of the parties is a police officer?

Training

Every department depends on good training. From the moment an individual enters the academy to the day they hang up their belt, a good officer is continually learning how to do the job better and safer. In the academy, recruits use textbooks, case studies and scenarios to learn how to keep themselves, their colleagues and the public safe. They also learn policies and procedures, guidelines and laws. Once they hit the street, they continue to learn from their FTO and other officers. They also receive annual training to keep current. In a relationship, often couples forget to continue learning.

When you first meet someone, you want to learn everything you can about their likes, dislikes, history and what makes them tick. You also learn more about yourself and this helps you grow as a couple. As the years go by and - as in many relationships - the newness wears off, many people stop training. This doesn't have to happen. Couples can go to retreats and learn to maintain their connection or how to re-connect. Also, like Stone recommends, spouses of police officers should take every opportunity to utilize spousal seminars offered by the department or family advocates. Just like in the academy and on the street, couples can forge a strong, coherent unit by training together.

Current Technology

Although funding doesn't always permit it, departments which are able to keep current in new technology continue to evolve and don't get left behind their communities and the world. When departments were switching from the old 450 radios to the new 800 MHz radios, people were buzzing. Although the transition didn't come without glitches, the new technology helped most departments become stronger. When a partner decides to join the police department, a lot of changes occur in a relationship. Stone describes how an entire change of lifestyle is brought about by police work. Each person must be aware of the changes and be willing to work on the glitches and rejoice at the successes. Even if the huge change of going into law enforcement during a relationship doesn't exist, growing together as each person matures becomes the current technology. The woman you married isn't the same at 34 or 44 or 64, as she was when she was 24. Neither is the man. Keep current on whom the other person is and continue to evolve together.

Team-Work